Decisions, Decisions, Decisions...

So, the last topic I blogged about was Anger and frustration and how we each manage these. I guess the topic I'm blogging about today could follow on from the back of the last one. Just as the title says the top is Decisions or Decisions, Decisions, Decisions....

You might be wondering why I've written the same word out three times? or maybe not...I'm going to tell you anyway! haha When you get to a certain point in time where a decision on something needs to be made, some use a saying "Decisions, decisions, decisions",  and I thought it would be the perfect title for what I wanted to write about today.

We all come to points in our life where we have to make a decision of some sort. It could be as simple as deciding what to have for lunch or more extreme; whether to buy a property or not? or deciding whether to get married or not?

I guess the simple decisions are ones we make on a daily basis and for the most part make those decision for ourselves. I mean you wouldn't take a decision on what to eat based on how happy or sad it would make someone else, would you?

The more complex, difficult or important decisions in life however seem to have more to think about and possibly more people to consider. I've seen recent examples where people have made decisions or are in the process of making decisions as to the next step in their lives. Certainly for some of them, the process is a lot more painful than others.

Another factor in decision making is whether that decision is being made for your best interests or someone else's. Not sure what I mean? Let me try and explain with an example I recently came across. Someone I used to know well came to a decision recently about the rest of their life, which they made because they felt it would make their family happy. Doing something for your family certainly isn't a bad thing is it? I certainly don't think it is, but when the decision is made based on squashing your own happiness for short term happiness, I don't think I would agree.

The decision this person made was what their family wanted, not the decision that on the face of it made them happy. I can't say I understand the logic behind their decision but almost blindly making a decision for the short term happiness of loved ones has the potential for long terms grief for this person, their family and anyone else involved. I hope I'm wrong and hope their decision turns out to be fruitful and the right one for all concerned. What would I do if i was in that position? Well, I would discuss the situation with my family and explain my actions and decisions for the long term happiness of both me and them. That's what I would do though and I guess my logic is different to this person.

There's plenty of other difficult decisions which we do need to take in to account and how they effect other people. Perfect example is a couple reaching a certain stage in their relationship where they struggle to agree what their next steps are. An example I've come across is one person in the relationship is ready to commit further and the other wants to be at a certain point in their life before making the commitment to marriage. Probably one of the most difficult decisions to make and I guess a level of compromise is required and only they know what's right for them. Certainly deciding to go their separate ways isn't an easy decision particularly after X amount of years together. They both need to do what's right for them as individuals in  my opinion but being an outsider it's easy for me to say probably.

Another decision that most of us have to make at some point is what our next career step is, we get to a point in our careers sometimes where we're too comfortable for our liking and it's time for a change. I've spoken to a few people over the last few months where this seems to be the case for them. With the way the economy is these days I think everyone should probably be happy they have jobs! Again, this decision is something that usually needs to take others in to consideration, especially if you have responsibilities as the bread winner in the family or one of the bread winners.

Very random post I guess, but if you read my posts then you should know they're usually quite random! I guess I wanted to write the post as decisions aren't always as easy as they seem to make from the outside but there's plenty of things that need to be considered before making them. Particularly when making decisions that seem right in the short term. Are they really right in the long term? Should you be selfish when making decisions sometimes?

Have you had to make difficult decisions lately? are you on the verge of making a difficult decision? what's going through your mind? who is going through your mind?

My personal opinion is that we should make the right decision for ourselves. Do what makes you happy and the likelihood is it will make those around you happy too, at least those that love and care about you. I've always believed that family will always support whatever makes you happy.

Are we Slaves to Technology?

It's been a while since I wrote a blog post, some of you have asked why. I guess I've just not felt inspired to write lately, though one friend suggested that I only write when all in my world is not going as well as I'd like. I think he hit the nail on the head there, writing is something I have used as a way to release thoughts.

So, going back to the post title, "Slaves to Technology". The title speaks for itself, doesn't it? Probably no point in me writing any more right? Well, I'm going to any way! haha

A couple of things this week have prompted me to write this blog post, both of which involve my journey on the Jubilee line! Earlier this week I was so engrossed in a conversation over Whatsapp and didn't realise I was standing next to someone on the tube that I know. He had to tap me on the shoulder for me to even look up and around to realise where I was.

What's the other trigger for the post? Well, reading the Metro newspaper, whilst travelling in to work on the tube this morning, an article jumped out with the title "Online gadgets are set to outnumber us 2 to 1". Is there some sort of low key technology revolution happening?

It's not just gadgets though is it? Online Social media such as Facebook and Twitter have been hogging the headlines over recent months too. Isn't it amazing how much people now rely on Facebook and Twitter to keep in touch with their friends? I remember back in school when I used to use the land line to speak to my friends, almost on a daily basis. Now we rely on Facebook chat, Facebook messages and Twitter updates to see what our friends are up to and to an extent organise events.

I guess the use of social networking sites has a lot to do with the gadgets we have available these days too, i.e. with all the smart phones, tablets and computers available these days it's not surprising that people are always on their gadgets conversing with others using the social networking sites I mentioned above.

Why is it that we have so much technology though? Is it affecting our social interaction with people? Why are we relying so much on these "facilities" to converse with others?

Back in September 2010 I submitted my MSc dissertation along the lines of this topic, more specifically how Facebook and smart phones affect social human interaction. It was interesting to see how many millions of people have signed up to Facebook accounts and even more interesting how often Facebook and twitter were accessed using gadgets like smartphones.

I guess we have so much technology because we always want information while we're on the move i.e. whether you're travelling on the train in the morning, walking to the shops or just out for lunch. We all seem to want to know what's going on in the world at every free moment we get. Surely if we want to know what our friends are up to, it's easier to pick up the phone and ask them, right? Clearly not in this day and age, as for many people it's a case of "I don't really have time to speak to someone on the phone" or "I'm too busy to meet my mate but I have time to send them a message on facebook and have a conversation".

Admittedly, I'm addicted to technology and gadgets, a perfect example of this is that at work I've had my mobile phone on my desk and people have noticed that it's a different phone to the last time they popped over.  I'm sure most of those that know me will agree that I'm a regular on Facebook and some would say/think I'm addicted to it. Truth is, after high school i've always been a texter or emailer than a talk on the phone kind of person, which would probably explain the use of Facebook, whatsapp, Blackberry messenger and emails!

With the number of events, gatherings and advertising now taking place through Facebook, twitter, etc.. I'm not surprised that we're all so engrossed in gadgets and online social networking. I guess the questions I would ask are: Is society's demand for information driving the need for online social networking and gadgets? or Is technology so far advanced that it is in a way push us to want it?

Personally I think it's both, we all want information at the click of a mouse or the tap of a screen and don't really think about how that impacts our social lives, well certainly in person any way. Our demand drives technology to better itself, which in turn drives us to want more.

I'd love to know your thoughts on this, so ask yourselves, Am I addicted to technology? Do I interact with most of my friends over social networking sites, BBM, Whatsapp more than I actually talk to them? How has using so much technology affected me?

For those that aren't addicted to technology, why not? Do you feel left out? If you're not on Facebook or Twitter, are you missing out on the latest news? events? gatherings?

Is my question even relevant? Are we just using the tools available to use in these changing times?

Is it Just Granted?

So this is another topic that's been on my mind for a couple of weeks, and it's one that I think everyone can relate to. Then again, I think that about all my topics right? haha 

Feels like the perfect time to write about this topic as it was my parents 32nd wedding anniversary yesterday! Yep, 32 years, it's a long time ey? I'll come back to that later in my post. For now though, I just want to talk about taking people for granted; whether it be your partner, your family, your friends or even your colleagues. Can being taken for granted be considered the same as or similar to being taken advantage of? Well, quite possibly. 

Just expecting someone to do something or act a certain way because it's what they do could be taken advantage of. An example would be someone volunteering you for something without asking you but in the process saying "oh, he/she won't mind doing that, put them down for it".  I'm sure the person you've thought that of might be OK with it sometimes but if you do it to them on a regular basis, don't you think they have the right to think "what the hell is going here?". 

Personally I think it's human nature to take people and things for granted. We just naturally do it. Many of us have people in our lives we always turn to, particularly when times are bad. The moment they're busy with their own lives though, we wonder how they could be so inconsiderate. Isn't that taking them for granted? Expecting them to be their for you no matter what's going on in their lives? Truth is, some people will happily sacrifice tending to their own troubles just to be there for those they love and care for. Is that fair though? Shouldn't we as the ones turning to them think "hey, let me ask them what's going on with them" or "I need to put my troubles aside and be their for my friend".

You might be wondering why I'm writing about this topic, is it because I've been taken for granted and I've now had enough? Is it because I have taken someone for granted and they've had enough? To be honest it's both! How so? Well, on some occasions in the past, some have said "you're never there for me" and truthfully I've always taken a step back and thought "Have I really taken you for granted?" "Have I not been there for you?" These are the first thoughts that crept in to my head because I have always considered myself to be an understanding person, putting others needs and wants before mine. So when someone turns around and says to you "you weren't there for me", you try to re-trace your steps and feel guilty for letting them down. 

On the other hand though, there's times I have felt like that too, where I've felt people have not been there for me. Does that mean I took them for granted? Well, yes it does! Expecting someone to just be there for me is in my opinion taking them for granted. I mean, why should they be there for me? Did they sign a contract that says "I will be there for you no matter what's going in my life"? Nope! Well, not that I asked them to sign one! 

Quite the complicated topic isn't it? Almost a contradictory one. What do I mean by that? Well, I'm sure that at some point everyone has wondered why someone isn't there for them but then I'm sure we've all been asked why we haven't been there for someone else. Just a human trait isn't it?

So, what's my parents 32nd wedding anniversary got to do with taking people for granted? Well, I'm pretty sure spending so many years of your life with someone makes you susceptible to taking them for granted at some point if not regularly. When you get married, you take vows; whatever religion you follow, you expect that person to be with you side by side for the rest of your life. Til death do us part springs to mind. Isn't this a form of taking someone for granted? Quite a pleasant form of taking for granted isn't it? Well, you hope it's pleasant any way! There are so many factors that contribute to successful and unsuccessful marriages; compromise, taking for granted, love, etc... I think they all tie in well together but that's going off topic now, so I will probably write about that another time!

As humans we are very contradictory beings. We say and do things that we wouldn't want others to say or do to us. Personally, I do think people take me for granted. Do I mind? Sometimes I do; it all balances out though because I'm sure I take others for granted too. The important thing in all this I believe is to not take advantage of people, hoping people to be there for you is one thing but taking advantage all the time is another. The next time you find yourself thinking "why isn't X person here for me", ask yourself "I wonder if they need me". Just because someone is perceived to not "be there" for you, does not mean they do not care about you. Some people don't know how to handle certain situations but still make as much of an effort as possible to be there for you. 

The next time you feel like someone's not their for you, take a step back and think how many times they've been there for you in the past, this could be one of those times they can't be there for you or just don't know how to be there. Don't hold it against them, they probably would be there for you, if they could.

So tell me, Is it just granted? Do you take people for granted? If so, why do you do it? Do you feel like people take you for granted? If so, do you even wonder why?

Express Yourself

Today, most people would probably expect to read blogs, articles and social networking updates about Valentines Day. So to keep with tradition, I'm going to write about Valentines D....actually, no I'm not! haha What I'm actually going to write about is how people express themselves, the different ways people express their views, their thoughts and even who they are.

A couple of people now have told me my blog topics are too serious and I should write some funny ones. Truth be told, I'd have to agree, they are fairly serious ones but that's the whole point of my blog posts is to express my thoughts and possibly different perspectives on things.

So, why did I just mention people's comments? Well, it touches on how I put my thoughts across and in effect how I express myself.  I find it amazing how there are so many different mediums we can use to express different things in our lives. Talking, writing, drawing, painting, dancing, singing, etc... are all mediums we can use to express how we feel, express our thoughts and express who we are.

I choose to use writing to express myself, particularly when I write about topics that have played on my mind or are topics of discussion for everyone at some point in our lives. Does how you write define a style of how you express yourself? You're thinking "what the hell does he mean by that?" Well, I'll try and explain.

When I first started blogging, a couple of people commented that my writing was like I was having a face to face chat with the people reading the post. Did I do this intentionally? well, not really, it's just how my writing panned out to be honest. Other writers I've noticed like to set the scene and engage the reader by almost putting them in to the scene.

Writing is one of many ways people choose to express themselves. Some talented people are able to use multiple mediums to express themselves, their thoughts and who they are. Dance I guess has been seen as a popular medium for people to express themselves. You often here judges on dance competitions saying "you expressed yourself really well", same with those that sing.

Why did I write this post? Well, many people struggle to find themselves an outlet to express themselves for numerous reasons. I personally didn't realise writing was my best form of expressing myself until late last year when I just need to get my thoughts out. I used to write random notes a few years ago but never gave it much thought until recently.

So, my question to you guys reading this is, Do you know what your best medium or outlet of expressing yourself is? If you do know, how do you express yourself? Have you even thought about it before?

Are we too quick to Judge?

So, recently I've been thinking a lot about perception and how we judge and make our minds up about people. It's something that happens all the time, in different scenarios. We make a judgement about people after speaking to them once whether it be in person, over the phone or even on the Internet (sites like Facebook).

It happens when you meet a friend of a friend on a night out, at job interviews, Introductions, meeting new colleagues at work, etc... I'm sure you're saying "but you have to make judgements at job interviews" and yes I would agree but what if the candidate is having a ridiculously bad day? They could have come across better had you interviewed them the day before or the day after. Probably a silly point for me to make, but it's true isn't it?

Now Introductions are probably another situation where people make quick judgements. Talking for the first time over the phone may lead some people to say "no i'm no interested in this person", but why? how can you judge someone on one phone call? Most people I'm sure speaking to an introduction a second time or even meet them in person. For those that decide on a phone call, how on earth do you just know they're not worth speaking to again or meeting? Has it happened to me before? yes it has, I once had an introduction that I later found out didn't feel a "spark" when we spoke for the first time. Hence i've always asked those questions, i'm sure others have had similar experiences?

It's amazing how we as people take first impressions to be a given. We meet or even observe people for the first time and think "this person is great" or "this person a total idiot". How many of you have first met a person and said something along those lines? I certainly have in the past and to be honest I probably still do. It's something that people just do, I would say we do it subconsciously but some people probably just do it because that's how they take information in about people.

It's an interesting topic, so I decided to conduct an experiment on Facebook. I asked people to tell me how they know me and what their perception of me is. I received some interesting messages back. One friend told me that she thinks I'm a pretty deep guy with a lot of thoughts but her opinion of me was completely different before we even spoke. Before speaking she thought I was a snobby geek. Some of you would probably agree with that statement but I was definitely surprised that someone without even speaking to me would even think that.

What makes the thought of perception and others impressions more interesting is that they could be completely different to how we think we put ourselves across. Taking the example from above, I feel I come across as quiet and calm and that to others, and obviously one person can and has come across as snobby. That raises another question, should we be concious of how others perceive us? Some may already be like that; they may be very self concious and put themselves in a shell just because they're worried about what others think. People looking at these self concious people might take the view that they don't want to mingle or be sociable with anyone. I've always been a fairly self concious person, in the past always worried about what others think and to an extent am probably still like that, particularly around people new to me.

With first impressions seeming to be important I thought I'd ask what people think. The question I posed on my status was "How Important are First Impressions?". Unsurprisingly most people agreed that first impressions do matter. Why? Because the first meeting or conversation with a person gives us an image of what that person or people are like. Sometimes we just have to see someone or people and judge them by how they work or even how they greet others.

Many of us probably say to ourselves and others that we don't really care what people think, but is that really true? Do we really not care what others think? I don't think anyone in this world lives without caring what someone thinks of them. They might not show it but deep down they probably do care and it does matter to them.

Here's another question, should we ask ourselves how our perception of others effects them? Ever thought how your perception of someone effects them?

So, Do you care what others think? Do people perceive me the way I put myself across? Do you care about how your perception of people affects them?

Personally I do think first impressions matter but I don't think they should. Unfortunately that's never going to change as we not only do it consciously but sub-consciously too. It's annoying but it's something you have to deal with right? It's the way the world and society works. It's amazing how perceptions can change though once you get to know people, then again, it may not change at all! I do think we're too quick to judge and should have more of an open mind when meeting new people but I don't think it will change. It's almost like humans are programmed to judge and make judgements quickly. Think about it and let me know what you think.

Can I Be Honest Please?

First and foremost, Happy New Year to you all!

So, it's the New Year and as you would expect the first couple of days were full of optimism and hope for the 12 months ahead. In the last couple of days I've already seen people curse the new year, once again as you'd expect, keeping to tradition! Just goes to show you can't please everyone!

Anyway, going back to the actual topic of this post. A couple of days ago, probably still on a high from the turn of the year, I decided to give everyone I know on Facebook a free pass. This free pass allowed anyone to ask me as many questions as they wanted and I would give them an honest answer no matter how personal or private the question. Was there a catch? Nope, not really. I did however requested that the answers remained private, only fair right?

Now, the reason I wanted to write about this, was because I've always felt I'm an honest and straightforward person and pretty much an open book, particularly with those I trust. Could that be the reason people asked if I had gone crazy for opening myself up to potential embarrassing questions? Well, may be, but only those that made those comments can answer that.

I guess I gave that "free pass" to see how open people felt I was and whether or not they felt comfortable enough asking me pretty much anything. It allowed people to ask me questions which I don't think they would have asked in a normal conversation, well most of the questions wouldn't have come up in a normal conversation, at least I don't think so anyway.

An old friend asked me "We used to be really close, once upon a time.. Why did you drift away..?". Now I don't think that's something people find easy to ask or even answer for that matter. The pass gave them the opportunity to ask me and guaranteed an answer but would I have answered it if they had asked me without the pass? Yes I think I would, may be not in the past but certainly in recent times.

Why the difference? Well, I've changed a lot over the last few years, as I'm sure many of you have. I didn't really realise how much I had changed until recently and the questions I was asked by people definitely hit home how much I've changed. I don't think I would have been able to put up the free pass thing a few years ago, not because I couldn't be honest but I just wouldn't have known how to handle questions relating to my personal and private life.

I did expect a lot of silly questions, questions you would expect to be asked as a teenager, but the majority of questions were very genuine and personal. So, would you be able to give people a free pass to ask anything they wanted with a guaranteed honest answer from you? If not, why not? Do you feel it's too intrusive? Are you a private person and like to remain mysterious? Is it worth coming out of your shell even for a few hours?

For me, it definitely was worth it, I was able to clear up mis-understandings and at the same time almost prove that I really am an open book, you just have to ask!

So have a think people: Do you think your friends and family feel comfortable enough to ask you personal and private questions? Do you want people to feel comfortable enough to ask you anything? Do you only have that sort of honest and open relationship with only a handful of people?

Why not try the free pass out for yourself? Maybe it'll clear up a few things for you!