Feels like the perfect time to write about this topic as it was my parents 32nd wedding anniversary yesterday! Yep, 32 years, it's a long time ey? I'll come back to that later in my post. For now though, I just want to talk about taking people for granted; whether it be your partner, your family, your friends or even your colleagues. Can being taken for granted be considered the same as or similar to being taken advantage of? Well, quite possibly.
Just expecting someone to do something or act a certain way because it's what they do could be taken advantage of. An example would be someone volunteering you for something without asking you but in the process saying "oh, he/she won't mind doing that, put them down for it". I'm sure the person you've thought that of might be OK with it sometimes but if you do it to them on a regular basis, don't you think they have the right to think "what the hell is going here?".
Personally I think it's human nature to take people and things for granted. We just naturally do it. Many of us have people in our lives we always turn to, particularly when times are bad. The moment they're busy with their own lives though, we wonder how they could be so inconsiderate. Isn't that taking them for granted? Expecting them to be their for you no matter what's going on in their lives? Truth is, some people will happily sacrifice tending to their own troubles just to be there for those they love and care for. Is that fair though? Shouldn't we as the ones turning to them think "hey, let me ask them what's going on with them" or "I need to put my troubles aside and be their for my friend".
You might be wondering why I'm writing about this topic, is it because I've been taken for granted and I've now had enough? Is it because I have taken someone for granted and they've had enough? To be honest it's both! How so? Well, on some occasions in the past, some have said "you're never there for me" and truthfully I've always taken a step back and thought "Have I really taken you for granted?" "Have I not been there for you?" These are the first thoughts that crept in to my head because I have always considered myself to be an understanding person, putting others needs and wants before mine. So when someone turns around and says to you "you weren't there for me", you try to re-trace your steps and feel guilty for letting them down.
On the other hand though, there's times I have felt like that too, where I've felt people have not been there for me. Does that mean I took them for granted? Well, yes it does! Expecting someone to just be there for me is in my opinion taking them for granted. I mean, why should they be there for me? Did they sign a contract that says "I will be there for you no matter what's going in my life"? Nope! Well, not that I asked them to sign one!
Quite the complicated topic isn't it? Almost a contradictory one. What do I mean by that? Well, I'm sure that at some point everyone has wondered why someone isn't there for them but then I'm sure we've all been asked why we haven't been there for someone else. Just a human trait isn't it?
So, what's my parents 32nd wedding anniversary got to do with taking people for granted? Well, I'm pretty sure spending so many years of your life with someone makes you susceptible to taking them for granted at some point if not regularly. When you get married, you take vows; whatever religion you follow, you expect that person to be with you side by side for the rest of your life. Til death do us part springs to mind. Isn't this a form of taking someone for granted? Quite a pleasant form of taking for granted isn't it? Well, you hope it's pleasant any way! There are so many factors that contribute to successful and unsuccessful marriages; compromise, taking for granted, love, etc... I think they all tie in well together but that's going off topic now, so I will probably write about that another time!
As humans we are very contradictory beings. We say and do things that we wouldn't want others to say or do to us. Personally, I do think people take me for granted. Do I mind? Sometimes I do; it all balances out though because I'm sure I take others for granted too. The important thing in all this I believe is to not take advantage of people, hoping people to be there for you is one thing but taking advantage all the time is another. The next time you find yourself thinking "why isn't X person here for me", ask yourself "I wonder if they need me". Just because someone is perceived to not "be there" for you, does not mean they do not care about you. Some people don't know how to handle certain situations but still make as much of an effort as possible to be there for you.
The next time you feel like someone's not their for you, take a step back and think how many times they've been there for you in the past, this could be one of those times they can't be there for you or just don't know how to be there. Don't hold it against them, they probably would be there for you, if they could.
So tell me, Is it just granted? Do you take people for granted? If so, why do you do it? Do you feel like people take you for granted? If so, do you even wonder why?
Taking people for granted is an unfortunate but extremely a common human failing.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I haven't found a solution to let people know if I felt undermined or being taken for granted. Not that I would want the whole world to know all that I've done and make people thank me or something like that, but if I have really put in effort and commitment into something, I would prefer that the other party respond by showing some appreciation or participation.
One needs to realise not to mistake kindness for weakness! One also needs to remember to remain open-minded and conscientious making it easier for one to notice if one is taking someone for granted.
However, having said that, being taken for granted can be a compliment. It also means that you have become a comfortable, trusted element in another person’s life...