Are we an Inspirational Society?

So, I haven't blogged in quite a while (it's become a recurring theme ey?!) , maybe I've not been inspired or I've just been lazy. It's probably the latter! Oops!

The topic  of this blog is a bit of a strange one, well maybe. With social media being so prominent in our lives, motivational and inspirational content such as videos, quotes, statements, etc are becoming more and more visible.

There seem to be more and more people throwing up motivational quotes and statements than I've ever seen or heard of before. I used to put things up too, years ago on Facebook mostly to motivate myself and do the same for others if it helped them. Whether it helped anyone or not, I have no idea!

What I'm trying to understand is, why are we seeing so much more of this material out there? Is that where society is these days? Have we lost the ability to motivate and/or inspire ourselves? Or has it always been like this but its just out in the open now because of mediums like social media?

The other point I guess is, with so much material and so many people out there trying to motivate, does it have the opposite effect on some? What I mean is, if you constantly see motivational quotes does it lose its magic?

That brings me to another point, do videos have more of an effect than written quotes? Certainly in recent weeks and months for me I buy in to the video more than I would a quote. It also relates to a story being told. I guess if the script of a motivational video was published would it have the same impact? It wouldn't for me, visual seems to hit home for me more than text. I'm guessing that's the same or even the opposite for many.

Going back to my first point about the level and amount of motivational and inspirational quotes, it feels like (in my opinion) that we have become so obsessed with comparing ourselves to other because of social media that we consistently put ourselves down. Should we compare ourselves? I for one have always been against comparing people to one another. Don't get me wrong, I do it too but sometimes I just can't stop myself, I think most if not all of us do this, I guess some out or down to human nature.

I guess one of the reasons I'm writing about this topic is because I worry, I worry what the future holds for my kids. I worry about how society is going to put more pressure on ourselves. The more inspirational videos, posts etc that I see, the more I think society is actually getting worse. Am I right? What do you think?

Another reason is that I'm trying to bring myself away from comparing my achievements with others achievements. I'm slowly understanding that my path is going to be different to someone else's. I'm going through a phase where I'm trying to transform myself physically and mentally. Both forms are linked really aren't they? You could and probably do use one to reflect on the other. For example, if you physically feel good, you're likely to feel good mentally, because of the positive hormones that being happy releases.

There's a lot of motivational people and material out there. Those that use it to drive themselves, good on you, it's helping you. Ultimately its about using all that's out there to your advantage right?

How do you feel about all the inspirational and motivational material you see out there? Do you think we as a society have a problem? Or are we just becoming more of a supportive society? Should we be worried for the next generation?

Until the next post!

Always made mistakes and always will

So, after my recent blog post titled Mummy, I was inspired to write another. You can tell me if you see any links between both topics. Answers on a post...oh, hold, answers in the comments section below or on my Facebook post about this! 

I’ve turned another year older today, an no I’m not 45 or older, I’ve hit 35. I don’t think it’s a milestone birthday but I don’t think I could wait another 5 years to publish this blog post! 

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more reflective. Yes, I know, I’ve always been a bit of a reflector. A lot has happened in my life over the last 5 years let alone the last 35 years. I got married to an amazing woman (never thought I’d be lucky enough), we’ve had gorgeous twin girls, I’ve moved house 3 times, changed jobs twice, etc...

It’s also fair to say that I’ve made mistakes along the way, whether that be personally or professionally. At the times I’ve made those mistakes I’ve kicked myself every single time, I’ve to an extent regretted making those mistakes too and in all felt very bad about the mistakes. 

It got me thinking (yes, I know it’s dangerous!), that we beat ourselves up when we make mistakes, hold it against ourself for a period of time and generally feel quite crap about it. This is true for me, I do it all the time, but we don’t reflect on how that reaction impacts us. In that, when a similar situation arises do we feel confident enough to deal with it? 

For me, I’ve found beating myself up always knocks my confidence. I’ve never been the most confident person in the world, so it majorly affects me. 

As I said In previous posts, becoming a father has changed my perspective on things. I look at the mistakes I make in a different way now. Don’t get me wrong, I still beat myself up over them but not to the extent I used to before. 

This perspective has changed because I look at my girls growing up, and they do things which you could consider mistakes I.e. during toilet training, accidents will happen, it can be frustrating and you possibly tell your child off. Is that going to help them in the long term? Do they even understand why you’re telling them off? The answer to those questions is probably a No. You find other ways to help them make sense of it all.

So why do we as adults beat ourselves up? Does that really help us? Well, for some it possibly does and for others it probably has the complete opposite effect . I fall in to the latter category, well I did until recently.

I’ve found that understanding why I made a mistake is more important than just saying “Chirag you idiot, don’t make mistakes like that” etc...understanding mistakes and trying to learn from them actually builds confidence, well it does for me anyway. 

Mistakes are something I’ve always made in life, and quite frankly always will make. That’s just part of being alive. Hopefully I’m learning from these mistakes and it shows that I’m learning. Who knows, some mistakes I may never learn from some mistakes. 

I guess the point of the post was to highlight that whatever your age, mistakes are ok, most people learn from their mistakes. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without making the mistakes I have. Some of you may say “yeah, but you’re an idiot” or something along those lines, and you know what, you are entitled to your opinion. 

I’m not saying I’m an amazing human being, or I’m anything special but I’m proud of the journey of my life and will hopefully keep learning and imparting the knowledge of that journey on to my kids (whether they like it or not, haha!). 

So tell me, do you think you’ve made mistakes in life? Do you think you’ve learned from them?  Has it made you the person you are today? Do you think you’ll keep making mistakes? 

Mummy

So, since Mother’s Day is this weekend, I thought this post, that I’ve been thinking about for a while would be best published now.

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how much my wife does for our daughters. She does a hell of a lot more than I’ll ever be able to do. Something I believe only a mother can do.

Mother’s are the most unselfish people in the universe, the amount of time and energy they sacrifice for their children is beyond incredible. Nothing I write or anyone writes will ever do justice to mothers everywhere.

Growing up, I probably didn’t appreciate what my mum did for me, the sacrifice she put in to give me the best her and my dad could provide. Taking me to this class, that class, pushing me to fulfil my potential and making me feel like I had everything I wanted and/or needed.

Did I appreciate this when I was a teenager or even younger and say thank you? Nope, I didn’t, well at least it don't think I showed it. I was being a child, doing my thing and only thinking about me, especially being an only child. We’ve all done that to a degree right? Taken our parents, especially our mums for granted. 

Growing up I used to hear “wait til you’re married” or “wait til you have kids, then you’ll understand”. And you know what, no truer words have been spoken. Over the last 2.5 years since our twin girls arrived, I’ve realised more and more how much a mother does. 

My wife is constantly on the move, she's a machine! Always thinking about our girls, “what can I do with them tomorrow?”, “how do I make sure they are constantly learning?”, “what can I cook that’s really good for them?”, you get the jist of it. She is an absolute legend, it’s safe to say Mothers in general are.

Mothers play multiple roles and play them all amazingly well. They are mothers, wives, daughters, daughter in laws, etc...they look after pretty much everyone. My wife certainly does, always thinking about everyone other than herself. 

Another mother in my life (apart from my wife and my own mum) is my mother in law, she’s always running around and doing things for everyone else, even when she’s not well. It’s obvious where my wife gets her unselfish and dedicated nature from. It's also further evidence i guess of how unselfish mothers are, right?

Agatha Christie summed up mothers well

“A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path”

Being a mother is more than a role, it’s a way/choice of life, a woman’s life changes incredibly. Women make sacrifices left right and centre. To have children they put their bodies on the line, they give up a lot of their own goals and dreams and set new ones related to their children. Again, forgetting about their own wants and needs.

I’m in absolute awe of all the mother’s that I know, my wife in particular. She’ll probably read this and tell me how cringe it is, she doesn’t take compliments very well! 

Appreciate the mummy’s in your life, let them know regularly how much you take notice of what they have done in the past and what they do. They don't expect it or ask for it, but that's what makes it more worth it.

Please don’t let Mother’s Day be the only day of the year you show your appreciation. Like any other commercial day of the year, it’s just a reminder and not the only day of the year to show love and appreciation. 

So, ask yoruself, do you show enough appreciation to the mother’s in your life? Do you even see how much a mother does? How many of you take your mum for granted?

Digital Mental Health

So, it's been about a year since the last blog post, this one has been sitting in my drafts on my phone for about the same time, so thought it was time to publish!

I wrote in my last post that my life now is very different from when I used to write a number of years ago, and I alluded to thinking about things differently now, particularly in the context of being a parent.

This particular post is close to my heart for a number of reasons, one of which is my daughters. Most things I think about now are about them; their futures, their education, influences on their lives (like social media), etc...

I think back to what life was like for me and us (as a generation) before social media; or should I say social media as we now know it? 

In an age where social media is part of normal life, specifically Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, etc...we forget that social media was available to us in different forms when we were growing up, with probably similar consequences of use, I'm thinking of Hi5, MSN Messenger, Yahoo Chat, etc.. 

Back in my younger days using something like MSN was almost a direct replacement for talking to someone on the phone I.e. You would have real time interaction with someone, by conversing with them almost like speaking on the phone.

These days, although Facebook Messenger and other forms of chat are available, we seem to interact indirectly, for example, I can post a message on Facebook which some may respond to by leaving a comment but not necessarily having a real time interaction with them.

We as a generation and society seem to have become so engrossed in posting pictures, usually of how "amazing" our life is or the other extreme of how "crap" life is. I've been as guilty as anyone of this in the past and some would argue I still am (stop picking on me!). I guess it puts me in a good position to ask "why do we need to post and tell the world what's going on in our lives?", "did the world ask to be told about my day?", "would it make a difference to the world if I was having the most amazing time of my life?", I think you get the gist of where I'm going with this, right? 

We seem to have lost our abilities to interact with others, in that, not many of us (I don't believe) pick up the phone and say "hi (insert name), how's your day going today?" Which used to provide a sense of realism, a sense of warmth that someone is/was genuinely interested in my life. 

Is it a coincidence that we hear so much more about people suffering from mental health issues? No, I don't think it is. When I thought about writing about this topic I searched google for links between social media and poor mental health, and the majority of results referred to "young people", and that's why I wanted to write this post. I feel like the next generation will suffer from the adverse effects of social media more so than this generation does. We seem to be seeing the start of this already with online bullying, shaming, etc...

People will think I'm a hypocrite for raising concerns around social media, particularly because I'm a regular user of Facebook but that doesn't mean the questions I've asked are any less relevant. If anything, I feel like I'm in a good place to bring it up.

I mean, how many of you log on to a social media platform as soon as you wake up? Or check your phone to see what the latest updates are on whichever social media platforms you use? 

I do it most of the time; wake up, check phone, and then do other things. You probably too!

Social media, no matter how many connections, friends, and followers you have can be a very lonely place. It's hard not to see posts on social media and then compare them to your own lives, however people only post what they want you to see, you have no idea of the real truth or what's truly happening on the other side of that screen. 

This in turn can effect a person's mental health. Comparing someone else's perfect or amazing life to their own and developing a false picture can have more of a deeper adverse effect than people may realise.

This is all relevant to the Digital age we live in, and as things become more digitised, the situation gets worse. Why is life becoming more digitised? In my view it's because we want it to, we want things to make life easier for us regardless of the consequences.

My view on a digitised world and mental health is that, as social media and the digital world matures more, we need to better equip ourselves and our children particularly against the pros and cons of it all. It's important I feel to ensure we can handle the pressure of this evolving world, because if we don't we're going to see a lot more cases of people with mental health issues. 

I think I've waffled on enough here, what do you guys think? Do you think the digital world is a problem? Do you think there's an overreaction to the causes of social media on mental health? What do you think we need to do to help the situation?

Oh and here's a recent written piece I found on bbc.com, makes interesting reading!

Why? Why? Why?

So, it's been a very long time since  I last published blog post. A lot has changed since too! I'm now married to a wonderful woman, and we have adorable twin girls too! Life has changed considerably as you can see, certainly if you used to follow my blog posts before!

With the way life is now, I tend to think about completely different topics, centred around our twin girls usually. As the title of the post suggests, the question we all love and potentially loathe at the same time is "Why?".

We all know how to ask "Why?", i.e. Why do we go to work everyday? Why did this or that happen today? Why are the trains late?

What got me thinking about this was wanting to encourage our girls to ask why, as they get older, to feed their curiosity of why something happens, or why people do things in certain ways, etc...

This got me thinking, that when we were kids and growing up, we were always encouraged to ask why, to be curious and not be afraid to ask questions. Why the change? As we get older we tend to be discouraged a lot of the time to ask questions, particularly "why?". It's almost as if it becomes more annoying to answer questions, and we show our frustration by batting away the question. Slowly those that regularly ask "why" feel like they have to think "50" times before they ask or they feel like they just can't ask at all.

It's a shame really, isn't it? To go from being encouraged to be curious, to effectively be told to just get on with it, becomes quite a command and control type of culture. I'm not saying everyone has been discouraged, but from what I've seen, it's about just getting things done. Ironically, I want to ask "why?", why do we discourage something we were taught to do at a young age? Why do we get annoyed with people when they ask questions? Why do we just tell people to get on with it rather than answering their question?

My thoughts on this are that we live in an age where everything is needed asap, or urgently or now or even yesterday. We are all so consumed in wanting things in an instant, which I guess is a sign of the times we live in, particularly here in the UK. I can't really say for those living in other countries, but there may be an easier approach to life, a more relaxed approach if you like. I guess we are in the Digital age where virtually anything and everything is available in an instant and if not in an instant then in a specific space of time.

With the way life is these days, I really admire those people that can take a step back and see the bigger picture, not necessarily demand things immediately but encourage others to be curious and to ask questions. That is what makes life interesting, being curious, asking questions, finding out the answers and potentially doing something with those answers, even if that is just becoming a well rounded knowledgeable human being.

So, what do you think? Do you discourage people from asking why? Do you think we live in a society these days where we want everything in an instant?

Love Is Forever, Not Just For Valentines Day

So, it's that one day of the year, when there's romance all around, couples are treating each other to extravagant gifts, admirers are telling the objects of their affection how they feel and then there's others who just absolutely cringe at the thought of Valentines Day.

There are so many different emotions and feelings that are felt and experienced over this one day. Makes me wonder sometimes, "Surely these feelings and emotions are experienced every other day of the year too, right?" I know plenty of people that don't believe in Valentines Day, not that they don't believe in love but just the day itself. They feel it's just a commercialised day geared up to bring in extra money for business. To an extent I'm inclined to agree. It really is a commercialised day, just like Christmas and New Years has become. In fact, if you think about it, any day people celebrate is really commercialised now, isn't it?

I mean Weddings are probably in the top 5 of commercialised days or periods in peoples lives. The industry is so huge now. Almost everyone is a wedding planner, caterer, etc...but does that make the day or days any less special? Nope, I certainly don't think so. A lot of events in our lives are sometimes put on for the benefit of others in my opinion but the main aim is to make it special for the people it's for.

I've probably gone slightly off topic with what I've just said, but the point I'm trying to make is that everything we do these days, particularly special occasions have become commercialised. Valentines Day is definitely one of them. Something I've always thought is "Love Is Forever, Not Just For Valentines Day", yep the title of the blog! What do I mean by that? Well, let me try to explain.....

Love is something that shouldn't be shown one day a year, surely love is shown to your loved ones particularly your partner all year around?! I mean, when you get together with someone, you don't only say "I Love You" on 14th February... If that IS the only day you tell your partner you love them, you have some serious problems!!!!

Over recent years I've become a bit of a cynic when it comes to love, relationships, etc...and I'm sure those that know me have noticed that. However, I do believe Valentines Day has it's benefits too. You're probably thinking "This guys is contradicting himself!!", "You just said Valentines Day is commercialised and a waste of time!", well let me explain what I mean then......!

Valentines Day definitely has it's benefits, particularly if you've admired someone for longer than you can remember and haven't been able to pluck up the courage to tell them how you feel for however long it's been. It's one of those days that almost gives you a free pass to tell the one you've loved from afar, how you really feel about them without major repercussions.

Many people take the plunge on Valentines Day because it's more accepted to do so. It's one of those days that the object of your affection will react well to it. I'm not saying they'll fall head over heals in love with you, well, then again, they may do! What I am saying though, is that, they're less likely to think "what the hell?! buzz off!!". Singletons particularly would just be delighted to know someone thinks of them like that. Speaking as one, I would love it and wouldn't tell someone to buzz off! Then again I wouldn't tell someone to buzz off on a normal day either! haha

Think back to when you were younger, wasn't it easier to tell someone you had a crush on them on Valentines Day more than any other day? I tried it once I think back in school, I made a heart shaped card form some coloured card I had and got my friend to give it to this girl I'd had a crush on for ages. I didn't work out for me, but hey it was a hell of a lot easier saying something on Valentines Day than it would have been the day before or even the day after!

It's also a great day for those normally so engrossed in their working lives as it gives them the opportunity to show their partner how much they love them, it's the one day in the year workaholics probably think "I'm going to make an effort today, I don't usually but I will today". I don't completely agree with it that way but hey, it works for some!

For me personally, Valentines Day has never been a great day and I've believe for a while now that's it's just to commercial. I won't know it though, for some people it's the day they build up courage and share their feelings with the one they love, who didn't know before this day. For those in relationships, don't use Valentines day as an excuse to go out for a meal or to get all lovey dovey and then go back to your unromantic selves the next day love should be forever and we should all make more of an effort tell and show our loved ones how we feel all year round!

So...in summary....If Valentines Day is special for you, then a Very Happy Valentines Day to you...If Valentines Day isn't special for you, a Very Happy Valentines Day to you too!

Just remember.....Love Is Forever, Not Just For Valentines Day....:-)

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions...

So, the last topic I blogged about was Anger and frustration and how we each manage these. I guess the topic I'm blogging about today could follow on from the back of the last one. Just as the title says the top is Decisions or Decisions, Decisions, Decisions....

You might be wondering why I've written the same word out three times? or maybe not...I'm going to tell you anyway! haha When you get to a certain point in time where a decision on something needs to be made, some use a saying "Decisions, decisions, decisions",  and I thought it would be the perfect title for what I wanted to write about today.

We all come to points in our life where we have to make a decision of some sort. It could be as simple as deciding what to have for lunch or more extreme; whether to buy a property or not? or deciding whether to get married or not?

I guess the simple decisions are ones we make on a daily basis and for the most part make those decision for ourselves. I mean you wouldn't take a decision on what to eat based on how happy or sad it would make someone else, would you?

The more complex, difficult or important decisions in life however seem to have more to think about and possibly more people to consider. I've seen recent examples where people have made decisions or are in the process of making decisions as to the next step in their lives. Certainly for some of them, the process is a lot more painful than others.

Another factor in decision making is whether that decision is being made for your best interests or someone else's. Not sure what I mean? Let me try and explain with an example I recently came across. Someone I used to know well came to a decision recently about the rest of their life, which they made because they felt it would make their family happy. Doing something for your family certainly isn't a bad thing is it? I certainly don't think it is, but when the decision is made based on squashing your own happiness for short term happiness, I don't think I would agree.

The decision this person made was what their family wanted, not the decision that on the face of it made them happy. I can't say I understand the logic behind their decision but almost blindly making a decision for the short term happiness of loved ones has the potential for long terms grief for this person, their family and anyone else involved. I hope I'm wrong and hope their decision turns out to be fruitful and the right one for all concerned. What would I do if i was in that position? Well, I would discuss the situation with my family and explain my actions and decisions for the long term happiness of both me and them. That's what I would do though and I guess my logic is different to this person.

There's plenty of other difficult decisions which we do need to take in to account and how they effect other people. Perfect example is a couple reaching a certain stage in their relationship where they struggle to agree what their next steps are. An example I've come across is one person in the relationship is ready to commit further and the other wants to be at a certain point in their life before making the commitment to marriage. Probably one of the most difficult decisions to make and I guess a level of compromise is required and only they know what's right for them. Certainly deciding to go their separate ways isn't an easy decision particularly after X amount of years together. They both need to do what's right for them as individuals in  my opinion but being an outsider it's easy for me to say probably.

Another decision that most of us have to make at some point is what our next career step is, we get to a point in our careers sometimes where we're too comfortable for our liking and it's time for a change. I've spoken to a few people over the last few months where this seems to be the case for them. With the way the economy is these days I think everyone should probably be happy they have jobs! Again, this decision is something that usually needs to take others in to consideration, especially if you have responsibilities as the bread winner in the family or one of the bread winners.

Very random post I guess, but if you read my posts then you should know they're usually quite random! I guess I wanted to write the post as decisions aren't always as easy as they seem to make from the outside but there's plenty of things that need to be considered before making them. Particularly when making decisions that seem right in the short term. Are they really right in the long term? Should you be selfish when making decisions sometimes?

Have you had to make difficult decisions lately? are you on the verge of making a difficult decision? what's going through your mind? who is going through your mind?

My personal opinion is that we should make the right decision for ourselves. Do what makes you happy and the likelihood is it will make those around you happy too, at least those that love and care about you. I've always believed that family will always support whatever makes you happy.

Are we Slaves to Technology?

It's been a while since I wrote a blog post, some of you have asked why. I guess I've just not felt inspired to write lately, though one friend suggested that I only write when all in my world is not going as well as I'd like. I think he hit the nail on the head there, writing is something I have used as a way to release thoughts.

So, going back to the post title, "Slaves to Technology". The title speaks for itself, doesn't it? Probably no point in me writing any more right? Well, I'm going to any way! haha

A couple of things this week have prompted me to write this blog post, both of which involve my journey on the Jubilee line! Earlier this week I was so engrossed in a conversation over Whatsapp and didn't realise I was standing next to someone on the tube that I know. He had to tap me on the shoulder for me to even look up and around to realise where I was.

What's the other trigger for the post? Well, reading the Metro newspaper, whilst travelling in to work on the tube this morning, an article jumped out with the title "Online gadgets are set to outnumber us 2 to 1". Is there some sort of low key technology revolution happening?

It's not just gadgets though is it? Online Social media such as Facebook and Twitter have been hogging the headlines over recent months too. Isn't it amazing how much people now rely on Facebook and Twitter to keep in touch with their friends? I remember back in school when I used to use the land line to speak to my friends, almost on a daily basis. Now we rely on Facebook chat, Facebook messages and Twitter updates to see what our friends are up to and to an extent organise events.

I guess the use of social networking sites has a lot to do with the gadgets we have available these days too, i.e. with all the smart phones, tablets and computers available these days it's not surprising that people are always on their gadgets conversing with others using the social networking sites I mentioned above.

Why is it that we have so much technology though? Is it affecting our social interaction with people? Why are we relying so much on these "facilities" to converse with others?

Back in September 2010 I submitted my MSc dissertation along the lines of this topic, more specifically how Facebook and smart phones affect social human interaction. It was interesting to see how many millions of people have signed up to Facebook accounts and even more interesting how often Facebook and twitter were accessed using gadgets like smartphones.

I guess we have so much technology because we always want information while we're on the move i.e. whether you're travelling on the train in the morning, walking to the shops or just out for lunch. We all seem to want to know what's going on in the world at every free moment we get. Surely if we want to know what our friends are up to, it's easier to pick up the phone and ask them, right? Clearly not in this day and age, as for many people it's a case of "I don't really have time to speak to someone on the phone" or "I'm too busy to meet my mate but I have time to send them a message on facebook and have a conversation".

Admittedly, I'm addicted to technology and gadgets, a perfect example of this is that at work I've had my mobile phone on my desk and people have noticed that it's a different phone to the last time they popped over.  I'm sure most of those that know me will agree that I'm a regular on Facebook and some would say/think I'm addicted to it. Truth is, after high school i've always been a texter or emailer than a talk on the phone kind of person, which would probably explain the use of Facebook, whatsapp, Blackberry messenger and emails!

With the number of events, gatherings and advertising now taking place through Facebook, twitter, etc.. I'm not surprised that we're all so engrossed in gadgets and online social networking. I guess the questions I would ask are: Is society's demand for information driving the need for online social networking and gadgets? or Is technology so far advanced that it is in a way push us to want it?

Personally I think it's both, we all want information at the click of a mouse or the tap of a screen and don't really think about how that impacts our social lives, well certainly in person any way. Our demand drives technology to better itself, which in turn drives us to want more.

I'd love to know your thoughts on this, so ask yourselves, Am I addicted to technology? Do I interact with most of my friends over social networking sites, BBM, Whatsapp more than I actually talk to them? How has using so much technology affected me?

For those that aren't addicted to technology, why not? Do you feel left out? If you're not on Facebook or Twitter, are you missing out on the latest news? events? gatherings?

Is my question even relevant? Are we just using the tools available to use in these changing times?

Is it Just Granted?

So this is another topic that's been on my mind for a couple of weeks, and it's one that I think everyone can relate to. Then again, I think that about all my topics right? haha 

Feels like the perfect time to write about this topic as it was my parents 32nd wedding anniversary yesterday! Yep, 32 years, it's a long time ey? I'll come back to that later in my post. For now though, I just want to talk about taking people for granted; whether it be your partner, your family, your friends or even your colleagues. Can being taken for granted be considered the same as or similar to being taken advantage of? Well, quite possibly. 

Just expecting someone to do something or act a certain way because it's what they do could be taken advantage of. An example would be someone volunteering you for something without asking you but in the process saying "oh, he/she won't mind doing that, put them down for it".  I'm sure the person you've thought that of might be OK with it sometimes but if you do it to them on a regular basis, don't you think they have the right to think "what the hell is going here?". 

Personally I think it's human nature to take people and things for granted. We just naturally do it. Many of us have people in our lives we always turn to, particularly when times are bad. The moment they're busy with their own lives though, we wonder how they could be so inconsiderate. Isn't that taking them for granted? Expecting them to be their for you no matter what's going on in their lives? Truth is, some people will happily sacrifice tending to their own troubles just to be there for those they love and care for. Is that fair though? Shouldn't we as the ones turning to them think "hey, let me ask them what's going on with them" or "I need to put my troubles aside and be their for my friend".

You might be wondering why I'm writing about this topic, is it because I've been taken for granted and I've now had enough? Is it because I have taken someone for granted and they've had enough? To be honest it's both! How so? Well, on some occasions in the past, some have said "you're never there for me" and truthfully I've always taken a step back and thought "Have I really taken you for granted?" "Have I not been there for you?" These are the first thoughts that crept in to my head because I have always considered myself to be an understanding person, putting others needs and wants before mine. So when someone turns around and says to you "you weren't there for me", you try to re-trace your steps and feel guilty for letting them down. 

On the other hand though, there's times I have felt like that too, where I've felt people have not been there for me. Does that mean I took them for granted? Well, yes it does! Expecting someone to just be there for me is in my opinion taking them for granted. I mean, why should they be there for me? Did they sign a contract that says "I will be there for you no matter what's going in my life"? Nope! Well, not that I asked them to sign one! 

Quite the complicated topic isn't it? Almost a contradictory one. What do I mean by that? Well, I'm sure that at some point everyone has wondered why someone isn't there for them but then I'm sure we've all been asked why we haven't been there for someone else. Just a human trait isn't it?

So, what's my parents 32nd wedding anniversary got to do with taking people for granted? Well, I'm pretty sure spending so many years of your life with someone makes you susceptible to taking them for granted at some point if not regularly. When you get married, you take vows; whatever religion you follow, you expect that person to be with you side by side for the rest of your life. Til death do us part springs to mind. Isn't this a form of taking someone for granted? Quite a pleasant form of taking for granted isn't it? Well, you hope it's pleasant any way! There are so many factors that contribute to successful and unsuccessful marriages; compromise, taking for granted, love, etc... I think they all tie in well together but that's going off topic now, so I will probably write about that another time!

As humans we are very contradictory beings. We say and do things that we wouldn't want others to say or do to us. Personally, I do think people take me for granted. Do I mind? Sometimes I do; it all balances out though because I'm sure I take others for granted too. The important thing in all this I believe is to not take advantage of people, hoping people to be there for you is one thing but taking advantage all the time is another. The next time you find yourself thinking "why isn't X person here for me", ask yourself "I wonder if they need me". Just because someone is perceived to not "be there" for you, does not mean they do not care about you. Some people don't know how to handle certain situations but still make as much of an effort as possible to be there for you. 

The next time you feel like someone's not their for you, take a step back and think how many times they've been there for you in the past, this could be one of those times they can't be there for you or just don't know how to be there. Don't hold it against them, they probably would be there for you, if they could.

So tell me, Is it just granted? Do you take people for granted? If so, why do you do it? Do you feel like people take you for granted? If so, do you even wonder why?

Express Yourself

Today, most people would probably expect to read blogs, articles and social networking updates about Valentines Day. So to keep with tradition, I'm going to write about Valentines D....actually, no I'm not! haha What I'm actually going to write about is how people express themselves, the different ways people express their views, their thoughts and even who they are.

A couple of people now have told me my blog topics are too serious and I should write some funny ones. Truth be told, I'd have to agree, they are fairly serious ones but that's the whole point of my blog posts is to express my thoughts and possibly different perspectives on things.

So, why did I just mention people's comments? Well, it touches on how I put my thoughts across and in effect how I express myself.  I find it amazing how there are so many different mediums we can use to express different things in our lives. Talking, writing, drawing, painting, dancing, singing, etc... are all mediums we can use to express how we feel, express our thoughts and express who we are.

I choose to use writing to express myself, particularly when I write about topics that have played on my mind or are topics of discussion for everyone at some point in our lives. Does how you write define a style of how you express yourself? You're thinking "what the hell does he mean by that?" Well, I'll try and explain.

When I first started blogging, a couple of people commented that my writing was like I was having a face to face chat with the people reading the post. Did I do this intentionally? well, not really, it's just how my writing panned out to be honest. Other writers I've noticed like to set the scene and engage the reader by almost putting them in to the scene.

Writing is one of many ways people choose to express themselves. Some talented people are able to use multiple mediums to express themselves, their thoughts and who they are. Dance I guess has been seen as a popular medium for people to express themselves. You often here judges on dance competitions saying "you expressed yourself really well", same with those that sing.

Why did I write this post? Well, many people struggle to find themselves an outlet to express themselves for numerous reasons. I personally didn't realise writing was my best form of expressing myself until late last year when I just need to get my thoughts out. I used to write random notes a few years ago but never gave it much thought until recently.

So, my question to you guys reading this is, Do you know what your best medium or outlet of expressing yourself is? If you do know, how do you express yourself? Have you even thought about it before?

Are we too quick to Judge?

So, recently I've been thinking a lot about perception and how we judge and make our minds up about people. It's something that happens all the time, in different scenarios. We make a judgement about people after speaking to them once whether it be in person, over the phone or even on the Internet (sites like Facebook).

It happens when you meet a friend of a friend on a night out, at job interviews, Introductions, meeting new colleagues at work, etc... I'm sure you're saying "but you have to make judgements at job interviews" and yes I would agree but what if the candidate is having a ridiculously bad day? They could have come across better had you interviewed them the day before or the day after. Probably a silly point for me to make, but it's true isn't it?

Now Introductions are probably another situation where people make quick judgements. Talking for the first time over the phone may lead some people to say "no i'm no interested in this person", but why? how can you judge someone on one phone call? Most people I'm sure speaking to an introduction a second time or even meet them in person. For those that decide on a phone call, how on earth do you just know they're not worth speaking to again or meeting? Has it happened to me before? yes it has, I once had an introduction that I later found out didn't feel a "spark" when we spoke for the first time. Hence i've always asked those questions, i'm sure others have had similar experiences?

It's amazing how we as people take first impressions to be a given. We meet or even observe people for the first time and think "this person is great" or "this person a total idiot". How many of you have first met a person and said something along those lines? I certainly have in the past and to be honest I probably still do. It's something that people just do, I would say we do it subconsciously but some people probably just do it because that's how they take information in about people.

It's an interesting topic, so I decided to conduct an experiment on Facebook. I asked people to tell me how they know me and what their perception of me is. I received some interesting messages back. One friend told me that she thinks I'm a pretty deep guy with a lot of thoughts but her opinion of me was completely different before we even spoke. Before speaking she thought I was a snobby geek. Some of you would probably agree with that statement but I was definitely surprised that someone without even speaking to me would even think that.

What makes the thought of perception and others impressions more interesting is that they could be completely different to how we think we put ourselves across. Taking the example from above, I feel I come across as quiet and calm and that to others, and obviously one person can and has come across as snobby. That raises another question, should we be concious of how others perceive us? Some may already be like that; they may be very self concious and put themselves in a shell just because they're worried about what others think. People looking at these self concious people might take the view that they don't want to mingle or be sociable with anyone. I've always been a fairly self concious person, in the past always worried about what others think and to an extent am probably still like that, particularly around people new to me.

With first impressions seeming to be important I thought I'd ask what people think. The question I posed on my status was "How Important are First Impressions?". Unsurprisingly most people agreed that first impressions do matter. Why? Because the first meeting or conversation with a person gives us an image of what that person or people are like. Sometimes we just have to see someone or people and judge them by how they work or even how they greet others.

Many of us probably say to ourselves and others that we don't really care what people think, but is that really true? Do we really not care what others think? I don't think anyone in this world lives without caring what someone thinks of them. They might not show it but deep down they probably do care and it does matter to them.

Here's another question, should we ask ourselves how our perception of others effects them? Ever thought how your perception of someone effects them?

So, Do you care what others think? Do people perceive me the way I put myself across? Do you care about how your perception of people affects them?

Personally I do think first impressions matter but I don't think they should. Unfortunately that's never going to change as we not only do it consciously but sub-consciously too. It's annoying but it's something you have to deal with right? It's the way the world and society works. It's amazing how perceptions can change though once you get to know people, then again, it may not change at all! I do think we're too quick to judge and should have more of an open mind when meeting new people but I don't think it will change. It's almost like humans are programmed to judge and make judgements quickly. Think about it and let me know what you think.

Can I Be Honest Please?

First and foremost, Happy New Year to you all!

So, it's the New Year and as you would expect the first couple of days were full of optimism and hope for the 12 months ahead. In the last couple of days I've already seen people curse the new year, once again as you'd expect, keeping to tradition! Just goes to show you can't please everyone!

Anyway, going back to the actual topic of this post. A couple of days ago, probably still on a high from the turn of the year, I decided to give everyone I know on Facebook a free pass. This free pass allowed anyone to ask me as many questions as they wanted and I would give them an honest answer no matter how personal or private the question. Was there a catch? Nope, not really. I did however requested that the answers remained private, only fair right?

Now, the reason I wanted to write about this, was because I've always felt I'm an honest and straightforward person and pretty much an open book, particularly with those I trust. Could that be the reason people asked if I had gone crazy for opening myself up to potential embarrassing questions? Well, may be, but only those that made those comments can answer that.

I guess I gave that "free pass" to see how open people felt I was and whether or not they felt comfortable enough asking me pretty much anything. It allowed people to ask me questions which I don't think they would have asked in a normal conversation, well most of the questions wouldn't have come up in a normal conversation, at least I don't think so anyway.

An old friend asked me "We used to be really close, once upon a time.. Why did you drift away..?". Now I don't think that's something people find easy to ask or even answer for that matter. The pass gave them the opportunity to ask me and guaranteed an answer but would I have answered it if they had asked me without the pass? Yes I think I would, may be not in the past but certainly in recent times.

Why the difference? Well, I've changed a lot over the last few years, as I'm sure many of you have. I didn't really realise how much I had changed until recently and the questions I was asked by people definitely hit home how much I've changed. I don't think I would have been able to put up the free pass thing a few years ago, not because I couldn't be honest but I just wouldn't have known how to handle questions relating to my personal and private life.

I did expect a lot of silly questions, questions you would expect to be asked as a teenager, but the majority of questions were very genuine and personal. So, would you be able to give people a free pass to ask anything they wanted with a guaranteed honest answer from you? If not, why not? Do you feel it's too intrusive? Are you a private person and like to remain mysterious? Is it worth coming out of your shell even for a few hours?

For me, it definitely was worth it, I was able to clear up mis-understandings and at the same time almost prove that I really am an open book, you just have to ask!

So have a think people: Do you think your friends and family feel comfortable enough to ask you personal and private questions? Do you want people to feel comfortable enough to ask you anything? Do you only have that sort of honest and open relationship with only a handful of people?

Why not try the free pass out for yourself? Maybe it'll clear up a few things for you!

Changes - Expected?

I recently posted a status update on Facebook that said "It's Amazing how quickly things change". The status was put up because of a conversation I had with someone, where everything almost seemed to flip upside down. That got me thinking (yes I do that all the time anyway), change is part of our everyday lives, from the moment we are born to the moment we die. So, why at times is it so hard to deal with sometimes? Why can't we just expect the change?

There are many changes that we experience in life, here's a few of them: Friends, Relationships, Personality, Physical Appearance, Education and Work. Some of you might say "each of those have some sort of link to at least one other", and yes I would agree, sometimes the change that takes place in one is as a result of a change in another. So if we're so used to this, why is it that we sometimes struggle to accept those changes?

I wrote a note a while ago talking about how often people come and go from our lives, they all have some reason for entering our lives. Some of us make friends from a very early age, let's say from Nursery or Primary school and keep in touch with these friends for the rest of our lives but many of us probably won't even remember the names of all our friends from Nursery or Primary school. Why not? Well, things change, people drift apart and make new friends. Moving from middle school to high school, there's a change in itself; your friends from primary/middle school may have gone to different high schools and since then you have been as close as you were.

The situation may also have arisen where you go to the same high school as most of your friends but met people that have come to high school from different primary/middle schools and may have different interests and views on things. Making these new friends could have caused a change in your personality, you may have started to act differently around your old friends, so was this change in personality permanent? or just a temporary phase? Well, it could have been either, some of you may have accepted the change in your personality without even knowing or realising. Some on the other hand, may have realised and thought "what the hell is wrong with me?" and "Switched" back, but isn't this still a change of some sort?

Making new friends is something we all do throughout our lives and I'm sure most of you would agree that friendship is a form of relationships. Again, change is present in relationships too, some friendships could turn in to other forms of relationships. Some people may see a change in their friendships as they become closer i.e. some may progress from friendship to a romantic relationship or some may turn friendship in to more of a sibling relationship. Change is shows itself again, these are certainly the more obvious cases of change from a friends perspective and we realise our feelings have changed for a person or person(s). If two people in a circle of friends start seeing each other romantically, does that change things for the other friends? Well yes, it probably does some may struggle to accept the change and feel like they have to act differently around the couple. Some may start seeing the two people as "one person" as they now come as a pair.

I've just touched on some of the things that change in our lives, but the point I'm trying to get across and also seek opinion of is, do we expect the changes that happen? Do we even realise something in our life has changed? How do we react when we realise? Did things change a few years ago and you never realise?

Personally I do think it's amazing how things change without us even realising. I think we have to learn to embrace change whether we see it as good change or bad change. Let's face it, if something's changed, chances are it won't be changing back any time soon. Change is part of our lives and a saying I believe in "Life: Live it, Like it, Love it!"

Opportunities - Past, Present and Future

December is usually a time of year when many of us reflect on how the year has panned out for us as individuals, our family and friends. While we reflect on the year we look at things that went well and things that did not go well for us during the year. Some of us might even think about how things could have been different and ask ourselves "what if...". These two words are ever present in our minds, wondering how different things would or could have been if we had made different decisions. 

A particular part of this reflection is opportunities we were presented with, not only over the last 12 months but overall in life. Opportunities like job offers, that person that was smiling at you on the train but you didn't smile back or say hello, telling someone how you felt about them before you drifted apart, missing out on joining a club or organisation in it's infancy that is now huge.

Obviously I cannot speak for others but the areas above are ones I have questioned myself and I'm sure others have done so too. Those with self esteem issues compare themselves to others and think "If only I had the same opportunities as them". We convince ourselves that someone else's life is better than ours without knowing what they have been through to get where they are or knowing whether they are actually happy or not. These people we look at and think "I want to be like that person" or "why can't I be like them?" may have their own issues, and they may actually be looking at you thinking "wow, they have such an awesome life".

Opportunities in life come and go, where one opportunity turns it's back on you for whatever reason, another one presents itself. Whether this new opportunity is one you want to pursue though is up to you to analyse and decide upon. My personal experiences tell me that there is no right answer, if you decide to take an opportunity, make the most of it. If you don't take an opportunity, don't look back in regret, remember your reasons for not taking it and learn from it, and if such an opportunity presents itself again evaluate it for what it means to you at the time.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that we should not look back in regret at our actions in the past but learn from those actions and use them to help mould our future. If an opportunity comes knocking, look at it, if it's worth taking at the time, then take it as it's the right decision for you at the time. If the opportunity is not right for you, decline it, because at that time it's the right decision for you to make.

Opportunities present themselves to us over time, just like the good times and bad times. That's just life; Live it, Like it and simply Love it!

Football - Such a Crazy "Sport"

So again for those that know me, I'm quite passionate about Football whether it be playing or watching my beloved Liverpool FC playing or just watching a random game on Tv. 

I was sitting on the Bakerloo line last night, on my way home from the work "Xmas Party" and was entertained by a couple of guys sitting opposite me talking about Football. They had been sitting on the train before me so I managed to tune in to the conversation with the conversation about the World Cup in South Africa, and how the England players that "played" let everyone down. That was actually the closest they got to talking about how the team played out there, the rest of the conversation focussed on Money; how much it cost one of them to go out to South Africa, how much those players get paid and because they get paid so much they don't care about the fans.

It doesn't surprise me at all that the conversation focussed on money particularly as Football these days is more than just a Sport, it has become a business. Many argue that since the Premier League was formed in 1992, combined with the increased Television coverage from Sky & co, money has become the talking point of the "Sport". I put quotes around Sport because the sporting element at times is lost; people, whether they be pundits, managers, players or even fans tend to focus on who's getting paid what. 

Further evidence of Football becoming a business is when teams are challenging for champions league places or if a team is on the verge of being knocked out of the champions league, people tend to say things like "that will cost them X number of millions". Relegation from the Premier league loses teams 30 odd million even with parachute payments.

With money being top of the agenda for clubs and players these days it's obvious that there will be casualties and the first person than usually gets it, so to speak, is the Manager. If a team suffers a few bad results, the manager is usually under pressure and if the poor results continue after a couple of games the Manager usually loses his job. Some recent examples would be Mark Hughes at Man City last season and Chris Hughton this season. With so much at stake for these clubs aka businesses decisions are sometimes made in haste showing a lack of patience, putting managers under pressure as soon as they take the jobs.

I guess I'm just trying to say that Football seems to have lost it's focus a bit, all the conversations seem to be about how much money a club can make, a player can earn or how much money is going to be lost. Why isn't the primary focus the games? the results? the wonderful skills on display?

My beloved Liverpool were taken over by new owners a short while back; they may not have the same financial muscle as the Man City or Chelsea owners but they know sport, they know how to run a team. As long as they listen to the fans and do what's right for the FOOTBALL club they'll get my support. Money of course is now part and parcel of the game, so as long as the future of the club isn't at stake and they're securing that future they will enjoy the pure support and passion of the Liverpool fans.

Other clubs I'm sure will be taken over soon but at what cost to the sport? Has football now gone too far down the line and just become a business world? Is it still a sport? Can fans talk about Football without mentioned the word money?

Any ways, those are just a few of my thoughts and some questions I'm asking...what do you guys think?

YLANL's The L Factor - Promoting Talent

For those of you that know me, know that I have been involved with a Youth Community organisation called The Young Lohana Association of North London (YLANL) for 5 to 6 years now. The organisation had been dormant for a number of years which meant that the Youth of the community were missing out on meeting and getting to know their fellow Lohanas. A group of us decided it was about time the Youth organisation was resurrected an almost re-branded as YLANL.

YLANL's main principle is to serve the youth of the community, in that provide Young Lohanas with a platform to meet fellow lohanas by hosting club nights (Spooky Session, Valentines Crush and Midsummer Madness), speed dating events and The Lohana Cup (the 5 a side football tournament). These events are  limited to those 18 and over. We also cater for young children by hosting Kidz Klub on the first Sunday of every month for children of 5 upwards, where we arrange activities for them from Christmas card making to doing a Kids Garba during Navratri. A Family event we enjoy hosting and attending is Mehfil ki Shyam, a night of music performed by a live band for the whole family to enjoy.

This brings me to my main topic of discussion for this blog post; The L Factor, our flagship event that we have hosted every year since December 2007. The L Factor is a talent show/competition that epitomises what YLANL is all about; promoting and encouraging Young Lohana talent, providing them with a platform to not only show off their talents, whether they be singing, dancing, telling jokes, etc.., but to provide them with the confidence to pursue those talents for the long term.

There are many talented people out there that do not get enough encouragement or support to pursue their interests and passions. YLANL's  The L Factor aims to give them that "push", whatever their age, and help them fulfil their potential. It is not only the encouragement that our organisation/committee gives but the encouragement of you the public that gives the performers confidence and helps them to enjoy themselves on stage.

With all of that said, I'd like to request as many of you as possible to attend the show on Saturday 11th December 2010, at the Zoroastrian Centre, in Harrow (see flyer attached for full details). Tickets are only £15 per person including refreshments.

Your support means a lot to us as an organisation as it shows us we're taking the right steps in fulfilling the targets we have set ourselves. So please do come and support YLANL and most of all the talented people performing on stage.

See you all on Saturday.
(For more info about the show or just about YLANL, you can get in touch with me or visit the website (www.ylanl.co.uk) 

You Live and You learn or Do You?

As each minute, hour, day, month and year go by, our experiences increase. Some may be good/positive and some may be bad/negative. My point is, we go through so many different things, sometimes in very short spaces of time and sometimes over long periods, but do we ever take a moment to reflect and take in these experiences and learn from them?


I'm sure everyone has different ways of taking in these experiences and maybe some don't even realise. We sometimes take each and every experience for granted, say to ourselves "I'll definitely keep that in mind for next time", but do we actually keep these things in mind? 

I've always wondered if we treat these experiences differently i.e. do we accept the happy/positive moments and think great, let's move on....or do we actually learn from the happy moments, just like we do the sad/negative?

Many would say that they learn from the bad things that have happened to them in life and that they won't make that same mistake again because they've learnt from it, but does anyone ever say they have learnt anything from a happy/positive moment? You can almost compare this to media stories, the vast majority of the stories are of negative things e.g. the recession, robberies, violence, etc.. Good stories don't often make the front page of a newspaper or the headlines of the news on TV. Is it because people only care about the bad/negative stories? 

I think it's important to keep some sort of consistency between the two types of experiences, as we can ensure that lessons we learn from negative experiences in life help us to turn our future experiences in to positives. It's also just as important to remember happy/positive experiences because we can ensure that we learn things from these happy moments and practice them at later dates too...would you agree?

Maybe we take positive experiences for granted, causing us to be complacent? that could be it's own story!


So tell me people, how do you deal with all the different experiences? Do you take the good experiences for granted? What advice would you offer to people that do