Are we too quick to Judge?

So, recently I've been thinking a lot about perception and how we judge and make our minds up about people. It's something that happens all the time, in different scenarios. We make a judgement about people after speaking to them once whether it be in person, over the phone or even on the Internet (sites like Facebook).

It happens when you meet a friend of a friend on a night out, at job interviews, Introductions, meeting new colleagues at work, etc... I'm sure you're saying "but you have to make judgements at job interviews" and yes I would agree but what if the candidate is having a ridiculously bad day? They could have come across better had you interviewed them the day before or the day after. Probably a silly point for me to make, but it's true isn't it?

Now Introductions are probably another situation where people make quick judgements. Talking for the first time over the phone may lead some people to say "no i'm no interested in this person", but why? how can you judge someone on one phone call? Most people I'm sure speaking to an introduction a second time or even meet them in person. For those that decide on a phone call, how on earth do you just know they're not worth speaking to again or meeting? Has it happened to me before? yes it has, I once had an introduction that I later found out didn't feel a "spark" when we spoke for the first time. Hence i've always asked those questions, i'm sure others have had similar experiences?

It's amazing how we as people take first impressions to be a given. We meet or even observe people for the first time and think "this person is great" or "this person a total idiot". How many of you have first met a person and said something along those lines? I certainly have in the past and to be honest I probably still do. It's something that people just do, I would say we do it subconsciously but some people probably just do it because that's how they take information in about people.

It's an interesting topic, so I decided to conduct an experiment on Facebook. I asked people to tell me how they know me and what their perception of me is. I received some interesting messages back. One friend told me that she thinks I'm a pretty deep guy with a lot of thoughts but her opinion of me was completely different before we even spoke. Before speaking she thought I was a snobby geek. Some of you would probably agree with that statement but I was definitely surprised that someone without even speaking to me would even think that.

What makes the thought of perception and others impressions more interesting is that they could be completely different to how we think we put ourselves across. Taking the example from above, I feel I come across as quiet and calm and that to others, and obviously one person can and has come across as snobby. That raises another question, should we be concious of how others perceive us? Some may already be like that; they may be very self concious and put themselves in a shell just because they're worried about what others think. People looking at these self concious people might take the view that they don't want to mingle or be sociable with anyone. I've always been a fairly self concious person, in the past always worried about what others think and to an extent am probably still like that, particularly around people new to me.

With first impressions seeming to be important I thought I'd ask what people think. The question I posed on my status was "How Important are First Impressions?". Unsurprisingly most people agreed that first impressions do matter. Why? Because the first meeting or conversation with a person gives us an image of what that person or people are like. Sometimes we just have to see someone or people and judge them by how they work or even how they greet others.

Many of us probably say to ourselves and others that we don't really care what people think, but is that really true? Do we really not care what others think? I don't think anyone in this world lives without caring what someone thinks of them. They might not show it but deep down they probably do care and it does matter to them.

Here's another question, should we ask ourselves how our perception of others effects them? Ever thought how your perception of someone effects them?

So, Do you care what others think? Do people perceive me the way I put myself across? Do you care about how your perception of people affects them?

Personally I do think first impressions matter but I don't think they should. Unfortunately that's never going to change as we not only do it consciously but sub-consciously too. It's annoying but it's something you have to deal with right? It's the way the world and society works. It's amazing how perceptions can change though once you get to know people, then again, it may not change at all! I do think we're too quick to judge and should have more of an open mind when meeting new people but I don't think it will change. It's almost like humans are programmed to judge and make judgements quickly. Think about it and let me know what you think.

Can I Be Honest Please?

First and foremost, Happy New Year to you all!

So, it's the New Year and as you would expect the first couple of days were full of optimism and hope for the 12 months ahead. In the last couple of days I've already seen people curse the new year, once again as you'd expect, keeping to tradition! Just goes to show you can't please everyone!

Anyway, going back to the actual topic of this post. A couple of days ago, probably still on a high from the turn of the year, I decided to give everyone I know on Facebook a free pass. This free pass allowed anyone to ask me as many questions as they wanted and I would give them an honest answer no matter how personal or private the question. Was there a catch? Nope, not really. I did however requested that the answers remained private, only fair right?

Now, the reason I wanted to write about this, was because I've always felt I'm an honest and straightforward person and pretty much an open book, particularly with those I trust. Could that be the reason people asked if I had gone crazy for opening myself up to potential embarrassing questions? Well, may be, but only those that made those comments can answer that.

I guess I gave that "free pass" to see how open people felt I was and whether or not they felt comfortable enough asking me pretty much anything. It allowed people to ask me questions which I don't think they would have asked in a normal conversation, well most of the questions wouldn't have come up in a normal conversation, at least I don't think so anyway.

An old friend asked me "We used to be really close, once upon a time.. Why did you drift away..?". Now I don't think that's something people find easy to ask or even answer for that matter. The pass gave them the opportunity to ask me and guaranteed an answer but would I have answered it if they had asked me without the pass? Yes I think I would, may be not in the past but certainly in recent times.

Why the difference? Well, I've changed a lot over the last few years, as I'm sure many of you have. I didn't really realise how much I had changed until recently and the questions I was asked by people definitely hit home how much I've changed. I don't think I would have been able to put up the free pass thing a few years ago, not because I couldn't be honest but I just wouldn't have known how to handle questions relating to my personal and private life.

I did expect a lot of silly questions, questions you would expect to be asked as a teenager, but the majority of questions were very genuine and personal. So, would you be able to give people a free pass to ask anything they wanted with a guaranteed honest answer from you? If not, why not? Do you feel it's too intrusive? Are you a private person and like to remain mysterious? Is it worth coming out of your shell even for a few hours?

For me, it definitely was worth it, I was able to clear up mis-understandings and at the same time almost prove that I really am an open book, you just have to ask!

So have a think people: Do you think your friends and family feel comfortable enough to ask you personal and private questions? Do you want people to feel comfortable enough to ask you anything? Do you only have that sort of honest and open relationship with only a handful of people?

Why not try the free pass out for yourself? Maybe it'll clear up a few things for you!

Changes - Expected?

I recently posted a status update on Facebook that said "It's Amazing how quickly things change". The status was put up because of a conversation I had with someone, where everything almost seemed to flip upside down. That got me thinking (yes I do that all the time anyway), change is part of our everyday lives, from the moment we are born to the moment we die. So, why at times is it so hard to deal with sometimes? Why can't we just expect the change?

There are many changes that we experience in life, here's a few of them: Friends, Relationships, Personality, Physical Appearance, Education and Work. Some of you might say "each of those have some sort of link to at least one other", and yes I would agree, sometimes the change that takes place in one is as a result of a change in another. So if we're so used to this, why is it that we sometimes struggle to accept those changes?

I wrote a note a while ago talking about how often people come and go from our lives, they all have some reason for entering our lives. Some of us make friends from a very early age, let's say from Nursery or Primary school and keep in touch with these friends for the rest of our lives but many of us probably won't even remember the names of all our friends from Nursery or Primary school. Why not? Well, things change, people drift apart and make new friends. Moving from middle school to high school, there's a change in itself; your friends from primary/middle school may have gone to different high schools and since then you have been as close as you were.

The situation may also have arisen where you go to the same high school as most of your friends but met people that have come to high school from different primary/middle schools and may have different interests and views on things. Making these new friends could have caused a change in your personality, you may have started to act differently around your old friends, so was this change in personality permanent? or just a temporary phase? Well, it could have been either, some of you may have accepted the change in your personality without even knowing or realising. Some on the other hand, may have realised and thought "what the hell is wrong with me?" and "Switched" back, but isn't this still a change of some sort?

Making new friends is something we all do throughout our lives and I'm sure most of you would agree that friendship is a form of relationships. Again, change is present in relationships too, some friendships could turn in to other forms of relationships. Some people may see a change in their friendships as they become closer i.e. some may progress from friendship to a romantic relationship or some may turn friendship in to more of a sibling relationship. Change is shows itself again, these are certainly the more obvious cases of change from a friends perspective and we realise our feelings have changed for a person or person(s). If two people in a circle of friends start seeing each other romantically, does that change things for the other friends? Well yes, it probably does some may struggle to accept the change and feel like they have to act differently around the couple. Some may start seeing the two people as "one person" as they now come as a pair.

I've just touched on some of the things that change in our lives, but the point I'm trying to get across and also seek opinion of is, do we expect the changes that happen? Do we even realise something in our life has changed? How do we react when we realise? Did things change a few years ago and you never realise?

Personally I do think it's amazing how things change without us even realising. I think we have to learn to embrace change whether we see it as good change or bad change. Let's face it, if something's changed, chances are it won't be changing back any time soon. Change is part of our lives and a saying I believe in "Life: Live it, Like it, Love it!"

Opportunities - Past, Present and Future

December is usually a time of year when many of us reflect on how the year has panned out for us as individuals, our family and friends. While we reflect on the year we look at things that went well and things that did not go well for us during the year. Some of us might even think about how things could have been different and ask ourselves "what if...". These two words are ever present in our minds, wondering how different things would or could have been if we had made different decisions. 

A particular part of this reflection is opportunities we were presented with, not only over the last 12 months but overall in life. Opportunities like job offers, that person that was smiling at you on the train but you didn't smile back or say hello, telling someone how you felt about them before you drifted apart, missing out on joining a club or organisation in it's infancy that is now huge.

Obviously I cannot speak for others but the areas above are ones I have questioned myself and I'm sure others have done so too. Those with self esteem issues compare themselves to others and think "If only I had the same opportunities as them". We convince ourselves that someone else's life is better than ours without knowing what they have been through to get where they are or knowing whether they are actually happy or not. These people we look at and think "I want to be like that person" or "why can't I be like them?" may have their own issues, and they may actually be looking at you thinking "wow, they have such an awesome life".

Opportunities in life come and go, where one opportunity turns it's back on you for whatever reason, another one presents itself. Whether this new opportunity is one you want to pursue though is up to you to analyse and decide upon. My personal experiences tell me that there is no right answer, if you decide to take an opportunity, make the most of it. If you don't take an opportunity, don't look back in regret, remember your reasons for not taking it and learn from it, and if such an opportunity presents itself again evaluate it for what it means to you at the time.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that we should not look back in regret at our actions in the past but learn from those actions and use them to help mould our future. If an opportunity comes knocking, look at it, if it's worth taking at the time, then take it as it's the right decision for you at the time. If the opportunity is not right for you, decline it, because at that time it's the right decision for you to make.

Opportunities present themselves to us over time, just like the good times and bad times. That's just life; Live it, Like it and simply Love it!

Football - Such a Crazy "Sport"

So again for those that know me, I'm quite passionate about Football whether it be playing or watching my beloved Liverpool FC playing or just watching a random game on Tv. 

I was sitting on the Bakerloo line last night, on my way home from the work "Xmas Party" and was entertained by a couple of guys sitting opposite me talking about Football. They had been sitting on the train before me so I managed to tune in to the conversation with the conversation about the World Cup in South Africa, and how the England players that "played" let everyone down. That was actually the closest they got to talking about how the team played out there, the rest of the conversation focussed on Money; how much it cost one of them to go out to South Africa, how much those players get paid and because they get paid so much they don't care about the fans.

It doesn't surprise me at all that the conversation focussed on money particularly as Football these days is more than just a Sport, it has become a business. Many argue that since the Premier League was formed in 1992, combined with the increased Television coverage from Sky & co, money has become the talking point of the "Sport". I put quotes around Sport because the sporting element at times is lost; people, whether they be pundits, managers, players or even fans tend to focus on who's getting paid what. 

Further evidence of Football becoming a business is when teams are challenging for champions league places or if a team is on the verge of being knocked out of the champions league, people tend to say things like "that will cost them X number of millions". Relegation from the Premier league loses teams 30 odd million even with parachute payments.

With money being top of the agenda for clubs and players these days it's obvious that there will be casualties and the first person than usually gets it, so to speak, is the Manager. If a team suffers a few bad results, the manager is usually under pressure and if the poor results continue after a couple of games the Manager usually loses his job. Some recent examples would be Mark Hughes at Man City last season and Chris Hughton this season. With so much at stake for these clubs aka businesses decisions are sometimes made in haste showing a lack of patience, putting managers under pressure as soon as they take the jobs.

I guess I'm just trying to say that Football seems to have lost it's focus a bit, all the conversations seem to be about how much money a club can make, a player can earn or how much money is going to be lost. Why isn't the primary focus the games? the results? the wonderful skills on display?

My beloved Liverpool were taken over by new owners a short while back; they may not have the same financial muscle as the Man City or Chelsea owners but they know sport, they know how to run a team. As long as they listen to the fans and do what's right for the FOOTBALL club they'll get my support. Money of course is now part and parcel of the game, so as long as the future of the club isn't at stake and they're securing that future they will enjoy the pure support and passion of the Liverpool fans.

Other clubs I'm sure will be taken over soon but at what cost to the sport? Has football now gone too far down the line and just become a business world? Is it still a sport? Can fans talk about Football without mentioned the word money?

Any ways, those are just a few of my thoughts and some questions I'm asking...what do you guys think?

YLANL's The L Factor - Promoting Talent

For those of you that know me, know that I have been involved with a Youth Community organisation called The Young Lohana Association of North London (YLANL) for 5 to 6 years now. The organisation had been dormant for a number of years which meant that the Youth of the community were missing out on meeting and getting to know their fellow Lohanas. A group of us decided it was about time the Youth organisation was resurrected an almost re-branded as YLANL.

YLANL's main principle is to serve the youth of the community, in that provide Young Lohanas with a platform to meet fellow lohanas by hosting club nights (Spooky Session, Valentines Crush and Midsummer Madness), speed dating events and The Lohana Cup (the 5 a side football tournament). These events are  limited to those 18 and over. We also cater for young children by hosting Kidz Klub on the first Sunday of every month for children of 5 upwards, where we arrange activities for them from Christmas card making to doing a Kids Garba during Navratri. A Family event we enjoy hosting and attending is Mehfil ki Shyam, a night of music performed by a live band for the whole family to enjoy.

This brings me to my main topic of discussion for this blog post; The L Factor, our flagship event that we have hosted every year since December 2007. The L Factor is a talent show/competition that epitomises what YLANL is all about; promoting and encouraging Young Lohana talent, providing them with a platform to not only show off their talents, whether they be singing, dancing, telling jokes, etc.., but to provide them with the confidence to pursue those talents for the long term.

There are many talented people out there that do not get enough encouragement or support to pursue their interests and passions. YLANL's  The L Factor aims to give them that "push", whatever their age, and help them fulfil their potential. It is not only the encouragement that our organisation/committee gives but the encouragement of you the public that gives the performers confidence and helps them to enjoy themselves on stage.

With all of that said, I'd like to request as many of you as possible to attend the show on Saturday 11th December 2010, at the Zoroastrian Centre, in Harrow (see flyer attached for full details). Tickets are only £15 per person including refreshments.

Your support means a lot to us as an organisation as it shows us we're taking the right steps in fulfilling the targets we have set ourselves. So please do come and support YLANL and most of all the talented people performing on stage.

See you all on Saturday.
(For more info about the show or just about YLANL, you can get in touch with me or visit the website (www.ylanl.co.uk) 

You Live and You learn or Do You?

As each minute, hour, day, month and year go by, our experiences increase. Some may be good/positive and some may be bad/negative. My point is, we go through so many different things, sometimes in very short spaces of time and sometimes over long periods, but do we ever take a moment to reflect and take in these experiences and learn from them?


I'm sure everyone has different ways of taking in these experiences and maybe some don't even realise. We sometimes take each and every experience for granted, say to ourselves "I'll definitely keep that in mind for next time", but do we actually keep these things in mind? 

I've always wondered if we treat these experiences differently i.e. do we accept the happy/positive moments and think great, let's move on....or do we actually learn from the happy moments, just like we do the sad/negative?

Many would say that they learn from the bad things that have happened to them in life and that they won't make that same mistake again because they've learnt from it, but does anyone ever say they have learnt anything from a happy/positive moment? You can almost compare this to media stories, the vast majority of the stories are of negative things e.g. the recession, robberies, violence, etc.. Good stories don't often make the front page of a newspaper or the headlines of the news on TV. Is it because people only care about the bad/negative stories? 

I think it's important to keep some sort of consistency between the two types of experiences, as we can ensure that lessons we learn from negative experiences in life help us to turn our future experiences in to positives. It's also just as important to remember happy/positive experiences because we can ensure that we learn things from these happy moments and practice them at later dates too...would you agree?

Maybe we take positive experiences for granted, causing us to be complacent? that could be it's own story!


So tell me people, how do you deal with all the different experiences? Do you take the good experiences for granted? What advice would you offer to people that do