Digital Mental Health

So, it's been about a year since the last blog post, this one has been sitting in my drafts on my phone for about the same time, so thought it was time to publish!

I wrote in my last post that my life now is very different from when I used to write a number of years ago, and I alluded to thinking about things differently now, particularly in the context of being a parent.

This particular post is close to my heart for a number of reasons, one of which is my daughters. Most things I think about now are about them; their futures, their education, influences on their lives (like social media), etc...

I think back to what life was like for me and us (as a generation) before social media; or should I say social media as we now know it? 

In an age where social media is part of normal life, specifically Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, etc...we forget that social media was available to us in different forms when we were growing up, with probably similar consequences of use, I'm thinking of Hi5, MSN Messenger, Yahoo Chat, etc.. 

Back in my younger days using something like MSN was almost a direct replacement for talking to someone on the phone I.e. You would have real time interaction with someone, by conversing with them almost like speaking on the phone.

These days, although Facebook Messenger and other forms of chat are available, we seem to interact indirectly, for example, I can post a message on Facebook which some may respond to by leaving a comment but not necessarily having a real time interaction with them.

We as a generation and society seem to have become so engrossed in posting pictures, usually of how "amazing" our life is or the other extreme of how "crap" life is. I've been as guilty as anyone of this in the past and some would argue I still am (stop picking on me!). I guess it puts me in a good position to ask "why do we need to post and tell the world what's going on in our lives?", "did the world ask to be told about my day?", "would it make a difference to the world if I was having the most amazing time of my life?", I think you get the gist of where I'm going with this, right? 

We seem to have lost our abilities to interact with others, in that, not many of us (I don't believe) pick up the phone and say "hi (insert name), how's your day going today?" Which used to provide a sense of realism, a sense of warmth that someone is/was genuinely interested in my life. 

Is it a coincidence that we hear so much more about people suffering from mental health issues? No, I don't think it is. When I thought about writing about this topic I searched google for links between social media and poor mental health, and the majority of results referred to "young people", and that's why I wanted to write this post. I feel like the next generation will suffer from the adverse effects of social media more so than this generation does. We seem to be seeing the start of this already with online bullying, shaming, etc...

People will think I'm a hypocrite for raising concerns around social media, particularly because I'm a regular user of Facebook but that doesn't mean the questions I've asked are any less relevant. If anything, I feel like I'm in a good place to bring it up.

I mean, how many of you log on to a social media platform as soon as you wake up? Or check your phone to see what the latest updates are on whichever social media platforms you use? 

I do it most of the time; wake up, check phone, and then do other things. You probably too!

Social media, no matter how many connections, friends, and followers you have can be a very lonely place. It's hard not to see posts on social media and then compare them to your own lives, however people only post what they want you to see, you have no idea of the real truth or what's truly happening on the other side of that screen. 

This in turn can effect a person's mental health. Comparing someone else's perfect or amazing life to their own and developing a false picture can have more of a deeper adverse effect than people may realise.

This is all relevant to the Digital age we live in, and as things become more digitised, the situation gets worse. Why is life becoming more digitised? In my view it's because we want it to, we want things to make life easier for us regardless of the consequences.

My view on a digitised world and mental health is that, as social media and the digital world matures more, we need to better equip ourselves and our children particularly against the pros and cons of it all. It's important I feel to ensure we can handle the pressure of this evolving world, because if we don't we're going to see a lot more cases of people with mental health issues. 

I think I've waffled on enough here, what do you guys think? Do you think the digital world is a problem? Do you think there's an overreaction to the causes of social media on mental health? What do you think we need to do to help the situation?

Oh and here's a recent written piece I found on bbc.com, makes interesting reading!

Why? Why? Why?

So, it's been a very long time since  I last published blog post. A lot has changed since too! I'm now married to a wonderful woman, and we have adorable twin girls too! Life has changed considerably as you can see, certainly if you used to follow my blog posts before!

With the way life is now, I tend to think about completely different topics, centred around our twin girls usually. As the title of the post suggests, the question we all love and potentially loathe at the same time is "Why?".

We all know how to ask "Why?", i.e. Why do we go to work everyday? Why did this or that happen today? Why are the trains late?

What got me thinking about this was wanting to encourage our girls to ask why, as they get older, to feed their curiosity of why something happens, or why people do things in certain ways, etc...

This got me thinking, that when we were kids and growing up, we were always encouraged to ask why, to be curious and not be afraid to ask questions. Why the change? As we get older we tend to be discouraged a lot of the time to ask questions, particularly "why?". It's almost as if it becomes more annoying to answer questions, and we show our frustration by batting away the question. Slowly those that regularly ask "why" feel like they have to think "50" times before they ask or they feel like they just can't ask at all.

It's a shame really, isn't it? To go from being encouraged to be curious, to effectively be told to just get on with it, becomes quite a command and control type of culture. I'm not saying everyone has been discouraged, but from what I've seen, it's about just getting things done. Ironically, I want to ask "why?", why do we discourage something we were taught to do at a young age? Why do we get annoyed with people when they ask questions? Why do we just tell people to get on with it rather than answering their question?

My thoughts on this are that we live in an age where everything is needed asap, or urgently or now or even yesterday. We are all so consumed in wanting things in an instant, which I guess is a sign of the times we live in, particularly here in the UK. I can't really say for those living in other countries, but there may be an easier approach to life, a more relaxed approach if you like. I guess we are in the Digital age where virtually anything and everything is available in an instant and if not in an instant then in a specific space of time.

With the way life is these days, I really admire those people that can take a step back and see the bigger picture, not necessarily demand things immediately but encourage others to be curious and to ask questions. That is what makes life interesting, being curious, asking questions, finding out the answers and potentially doing something with those answers, even if that is just becoming a well rounded knowledgeable human being.

So, what do you think? Do you discourage people from asking why? Do you think we live in a society these days where we want everything in an instant?

Love Is Forever, Not Just For Valentines Day

So, it's that one day of the year, when there's romance all around, couples are treating each other to extravagant gifts, admirers are telling the objects of their affection how they feel and then there's others who just absolutely cringe at the thought of Valentines Day.

There are so many different emotions and feelings that are felt and experienced over this one day. Makes me wonder sometimes, "Surely these feelings and emotions are experienced every other day of the year too, right?" I know plenty of people that don't believe in Valentines Day, not that they don't believe in love but just the day itself. They feel it's just a commercialised day geared up to bring in extra money for business. To an extent I'm inclined to agree. It really is a commercialised day, just like Christmas and New Years has become. In fact, if you think about it, any day people celebrate is really commercialised now, isn't it?

I mean Weddings are probably in the top 5 of commercialised days or periods in peoples lives. The industry is so huge now. Almost everyone is a wedding planner, caterer, etc...but does that make the day or days any less special? Nope, I certainly don't think so. A lot of events in our lives are sometimes put on for the benefit of others in my opinion but the main aim is to make it special for the people it's for.

I've probably gone slightly off topic with what I've just said, but the point I'm trying to make is that everything we do these days, particularly special occasions have become commercialised. Valentines Day is definitely one of them. Something I've always thought is "Love Is Forever, Not Just For Valentines Day", yep the title of the blog! What do I mean by that? Well, let me try to explain.....

Love is something that shouldn't be shown one day a year, surely love is shown to your loved ones particularly your partner all year around?! I mean, when you get together with someone, you don't only say "I Love You" on 14th February... If that IS the only day you tell your partner you love them, you have some serious problems!!!!

Over recent years I've become a bit of a cynic when it comes to love, relationships, etc...and I'm sure those that know me have noticed that. However, I do believe Valentines Day has it's benefits too. You're probably thinking "This guys is contradicting himself!!", "You just said Valentines Day is commercialised and a waste of time!", well let me explain what I mean then......!

Valentines Day definitely has it's benefits, particularly if you've admired someone for longer than you can remember and haven't been able to pluck up the courage to tell them how you feel for however long it's been. It's one of those days that almost gives you a free pass to tell the one you've loved from afar, how you really feel about them without major repercussions.

Many people take the plunge on Valentines Day because it's more accepted to do so. It's one of those days that the object of your affection will react well to it. I'm not saying they'll fall head over heals in love with you, well, then again, they may do! What I am saying though, is that, they're less likely to think "what the hell?! buzz off!!". Singletons particularly would just be delighted to know someone thinks of them like that. Speaking as one, I would love it and wouldn't tell someone to buzz off! Then again I wouldn't tell someone to buzz off on a normal day either! haha

Think back to when you were younger, wasn't it easier to tell someone you had a crush on them on Valentines Day more than any other day? I tried it once I think back in school, I made a heart shaped card form some coloured card I had and got my friend to give it to this girl I'd had a crush on for ages. I didn't work out for me, but hey it was a hell of a lot easier saying something on Valentines Day than it would have been the day before or even the day after!

It's also a great day for those normally so engrossed in their working lives as it gives them the opportunity to show their partner how much they love them, it's the one day in the year workaholics probably think "I'm going to make an effort today, I don't usually but I will today". I don't completely agree with it that way but hey, it works for some!

For me personally, Valentines Day has never been a great day and I've believe for a while now that's it's just to commercial. I won't know it though, for some people it's the day they build up courage and share their feelings with the one they love, who didn't know before this day. For those in relationships, don't use Valentines day as an excuse to go out for a meal or to get all lovey dovey and then go back to your unromantic selves the next day love should be forever and we should all make more of an effort tell and show our loved ones how we feel all year round!

So...in summary....If Valentines Day is special for you, then a Very Happy Valentines Day to you...If Valentines Day isn't special for you, a Very Happy Valentines Day to you too!

Just remember.....Love Is Forever, Not Just For Valentines Day....:-)

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions...

So, the last topic I blogged about was Anger and frustration and how we each manage these. I guess the topic I'm blogging about today could follow on from the back of the last one. Just as the title says the top is Decisions or Decisions, Decisions, Decisions....

You might be wondering why I've written the same word out three times? or maybe not...I'm going to tell you anyway! haha When you get to a certain point in time where a decision on something needs to be made, some use a saying "Decisions, decisions, decisions",  and I thought it would be the perfect title for what I wanted to write about today.

We all come to points in our life where we have to make a decision of some sort. It could be as simple as deciding what to have for lunch or more extreme; whether to buy a property or not? or deciding whether to get married or not?

I guess the simple decisions are ones we make on a daily basis and for the most part make those decision for ourselves. I mean you wouldn't take a decision on what to eat based on how happy or sad it would make someone else, would you?

The more complex, difficult or important decisions in life however seem to have more to think about and possibly more people to consider. I've seen recent examples where people have made decisions or are in the process of making decisions as to the next step in their lives. Certainly for some of them, the process is a lot more painful than others.

Another factor in decision making is whether that decision is being made for your best interests or someone else's. Not sure what I mean? Let me try and explain with an example I recently came across. Someone I used to know well came to a decision recently about the rest of their life, which they made because they felt it would make their family happy. Doing something for your family certainly isn't a bad thing is it? I certainly don't think it is, but when the decision is made based on squashing your own happiness for short term happiness, I don't think I would agree.

The decision this person made was what their family wanted, not the decision that on the face of it made them happy. I can't say I understand the logic behind their decision but almost blindly making a decision for the short term happiness of loved ones has the potential for long terms grief for this person, their family and anyone else involved. I hope I'm wrong and hope their decision turns out to be fruitful and the right one for all concerned. What would I do if i was in that position? Well, I would discuss the situation with my family and explain my actions and decisions for the long term happiness of both me and them. That's what I would do though and I guess my logic is different to this person.

There's plenty of other difficult decisions which we do need to take in to account and how they effect other people. Perfect example is a couple reaching a certain stage in their relationship where they struggle to agree what their next steps are. An example I've come across is one person in the relationship is ready to commit further and the other wants to be at a certain point in their life before making the commitment to marriage. Probably one of the most difficult decisions to make and I guess a level of compromise is required and only they know what's right for them. Certainly deciding to go their separate ways isn't an easy decision particularly after X amount of years together. They both need to do what's right for them as individuals in  my opinion but being an outsider it's easy for me to say probably.

Another decision that most of us have to make at some point is what our next career step is, we get to a point in our careers sometimes where we're too comfortable for our liking and it's time for a change. I've spoken to a few people over the last few months where this seems to be the case for them. With the way the economy is these days I think everyone should probably be happy they have jobs! Again, this decision is something that usually needs to take others in to consideration, especially if you have responsibilities as the bread winner in the family or one of the bread winners.

Very random post I guess, but if you read my posts then you should know they're usually quite random! I guess I wanted to write the post as decisions aren't always as easy as they seem to make from the outside but there's plenty of things that need to be considered before making them. Particularly when making decisions that seem right in the short term. Are they really right in the long term? Should you be selfish when making decisions sometimes?

Have you had to make difficult decisions lately? are you on the verge of making a difficult decision? what's going through your mind? who is going through your mind?

My personal opinion is that we should make the right decision for ourselves. Do what makes you happy and the likelihood is it will make those around you happy too, at least those that love and care about you. I've always believed that family will always support whatever makes you happy.

Are we Slaves to Technology?

It's been a while since I wrote a blog post, some of you have asked why. I guess I've just not felt inspired to write lately, though one friend suggested that I only write when all in my world is not going as well as I'd like. I think he hit the nail on the head there, writing is something I have used as a way to release thoughts.

So, going back to the post title, "Slaves to Technology". The title speaks for itself, doesn't it? Probably no point in me writing any more right? Well, I'm going to any way! haha

A couple of things this week have prompted me to write this blog post, both of which involve my journey on the Jubilee line! Earlier this week I was so engrossed in a conversation over Whatsapp and didn't realise I was standing next to someone on the tube that I know. He had to tap me on the shoulder for me to even look up and around to realise where I was.

What's the other trigger for the post? Well, reading the Metro newspaper, whilst travelling in to work on the tube this morning, an article jumped out with the title "Online gadgets are set to outnumber us 2 to 1". Is there some sort of low key technology revolution happening?

It's not just gadgets though is it? Online Social media such as Facebook and Twitter have been hogging the headlines over recent months too. Isn't it amazing how much people now rely on Facebook and Twitter to keep in touch with their friends? I remember back in school when I used to use the land line to speak to my friends, almost on a daily basis. Now we rely on Facebook chat, Facebook messages and Twitter updates to see what our friends are up to and to an extent organise events.

I guess the use of social networking sites has a lot to do with the gadgets we have available these days too, i.e. with all the smart phones, tablets and computers available these days it's not surprising that people are always on their gadgets conversing with others using the social networking sites I mentioned above.

Why is it that we have so much technology though? Is it affecting our social interaction with people? Why are we relying so much on these "facilities" to converse with others?

Back in September 2010 I submitted my MSc dissertation along the lines of this topic, more specifically how Facebook and smart phones affect social human interaction. It was interesting to see how many millions of people have signed up to Facebook accounts and even more interesting how often Facebook and twitter were accessed using gadgets like smartphones.

I guess we have so much technology because we always want information while we're on the move i.e. whether you're travelling on the train in the morning, walking to the shops or just out for lunch. We all seem to want to know what's going on in the world at every free moment we get. Surely if we want to know what our friends are up to, it's easier to pick up the phone and ask them, right? Clearly not in this day and age, as for many people it's a case of "I don't really have time to speak to someone on the phone" or "I'm too busy to meet my mate but I have time to send them a message on facebook and have a conversation".

Admittedly, I'm addicted to technology and gadgets, a perfect example of this is that at work I've had my mobile phone on my desk and people have noticed that it's a different phone to the last time they popped over.  I'm sure most of those that know me will agree that I'm a regular on Facebook and some would say/think I'm addicted to it. Truth is, after high school i've always been a texter or emailer than a talk on the phone kind of person, which would probably explain the use of Facebook, whatsapp, Blackberry messenger and emails!

With the number of events, gatherings and advertising now taking place through Facebook, twitter, etc.. I'm not surprised that we're all so engrossed in gadgets and online social networking. I guess the questions I would ask are: Is society's demand for information driving the need for online social networking and gadgets? or Is technology so far advanced that it is in a way push us to want it?

Personally I think it's both, we all want information at the click of a mouse or the tap of a screen and don't really think about how that impacts our social lives, well certainly in person any way. Our demand drives technology to better itself, which in turn drives us to want more.

I'd love to know your thoughts on this, so ask yourselves, Am I addicted to technology? Do I interact with most of my friends over social networking sites, BBM, Whatsapp more than I actually talk to them? How has using so much technology affected me?

For those that aren't addicted to technology, why not? Do you feel left out? If you're not on Facebook or Twitter, are you missing out on the latest news? events? gatherings?

Is my question even relevant? Are we just using the tools available to use in these changing times?

Is it Just Granted?

So this is another topic that's been on my mind for a couple of weeks, and it's one that I think everyone can relate to. Then again, I think that about all my topics right? haha 

Feels like the perfect time to write about this topic as it was my parents 32nd wedding anniversary yesterday! Yep, 32 years, it's a long time ey? I'll come back to that later in my post. For now though, I just want to talk about taking people for granted; whether it be your partner, your family, your friends or even your colleagues. Can being taken for granted be considered the same as or similar to being taken advantage of? Well, quite possibly. 

Just expecting someone to do something or act a certain way because it's what they do could be taken advantage of. An example would be someone volunteering you for something without asking you but in the process saying "oh, he/she won't mind doing that, put them down for it".  I'm sure the person you've thought that of might be OK with it sometimes but if you do it to them on a regular basis, don't you think they have the right to think "what the hell is going here?". 

Personally I think it's human nature to take people and things for granted. We just naturally do it. Many of us have people in our lives we always turn to, particularly when times are bad. The moment they're busy with their own lives though, we wonder how they could be so inconsiderate. Isn't that taking them for granted? Expecting them to be their for you no matter what's going on in their lives? Truth is, some people will happily sacrifice tending to their own troubles just to be there for those they love and care for. Is that fair though? Shouldn't we as the ones turning to them think "hey, let me ask them what's going on with them" or "I need to put my troubles aside and be their for my friend".

You might be wondering why I'm writing about this topic, is it because I've been taken for granted and I've now had enough? Is it because I have taken someone for granted and they've had enough? To be honest it's both! How so? Well, on some occasions in the past, some have said "you're never there for me" and truthfully I've always taken a step back and thought "Have I really taken you for granted?" "Have I not been there for you?" These are the first thoughts that crept in to my head because I have always considered myself to be an understanding person, putting others needs and wants before mine. So when someone turns around and says to you "you weren't there for me", you try to re-trace your steps and feel guilty for letting them down. 

On the other hand though, there's times I have felt like that too, where I've felt people have not been there for me. Does that mean I took them for granted? Well, yes it does! Expecting someone to just be there for me is in my opinion taking them for granted. I mean, why should they be there for me? Did they sign a contract that says "I will be there for you no matter what's going in my life"? Nope! Well, not that I asked them to sign one! 

Quite the complicated topic isn't it? Almost a contradictory one. What do I mean by that? Well, I'm sure that at some point everyone has wondered why someone isn't there for them but then I'm sure we've all been asked why we haven't been there for someone else. Just a human trait isn't it?

So, what's my parents 32nd wedding anniversary got to do with taking people for granted? Well, I'm pretty sure spending so many years of your life with someone makes you susceptible to taking them for granted at some point if not regularly. When you get married, you take vows; whatever religion you follow, you expect that person to be with you side by side for the rest of your life. Til death do us part springs to mind. Isn't this a form of taking someone for granted? Quite a pleasant form of taking for granted isn't it? Well, you hope it's pleasant any way! There are so many factors that contribute to successful and unsuccessful marriages; compromise, taking for granted, love, etc... I think they all tie in well together but that's going off topic now, so I will probably write about that another time!

As humans we are very contradictory beings. We say and do things that we wouldn't want others to say or do to us. Personally, I do think people take me for granted. Do I mind? Sometimes I do; it all balances out though because I'm sure I take others for granted too. The important thing in all this I believe is to not take advantage of people, hoping people to be there for you is one thing but taking advantage all the time is another. The next time you find yourself thinking "why isn't X person here for me", ask yourself "I wonder if they need me". Just because someone is perceived to not "be there" for you, does not mean they do not care about you. Some people don't know how to handle certain situations but still make as much of an effort as possible to be there for you. 

The next time you feel like someone's not their for you, take a step back and think how many times they've been there for you in the past, this could be one of those times they can't be there for you or just don't know how to be there. Don't hold it against them, they probably would be there for you, if they could.

So tell me, Is it just granted? Do you take people for granted? If so, why do you do it? Do you feel like people take you for granted? If so, do you even wonder why?

Express Yourself

Today, most people would probably expect to read blogs, articles and social networking updates about Valentines Day. So to keep with tradition, I'm going to write about Valentines D....actually, no I'm not! haha What I'm actually going to write about is how people express themselves, the different ways people express their views, their thoughts and even who they are.

A couple of people now have told me my blog topics are too serious and I should write some funny ones. Truth be told, I'd have to agree, they are fairly serious ones but that's the whole point of my blog posts is to express my thoughts and possibly different perspectives on things.

So, why did I just mention people's comments? Well, it touches on how I put my thoughts across and in effect how I express myself.  I find it amazing how there are so many different mediums we can use to express different things in our lives. Talking, writing, drawing, painting, dancing, singing, etc... are all mediums we can use to express how we feel, express our thoughts and express who we are.

I choose to use writing to express myself, particularly when I write about topics that have played on my mind or are topics of discussion for everyone at some point in our lives. Does how you write define a style of how you express yourself? You're thinking "what the hell does he mean by that?" Well, I'll try and explain.

When I first started blogging, a couple of people commented that my writing was like I was having a face to face chat with the people reading the post. Did I do this intentionally? well, not really, it's just how my writing panned out to be honest. Other writers I've noticed like to set the scene and engage the reader by almost putting them in to the scene.

Writing is one of many ways people choose to express themselves. Some talented people are able to use multiple mediums to express themselves, their thoughts and who they are. Dance I guess has been seen as a popular medium for people to express themselves. You often here judges on dance competitions saying "you expressed yourself really well", same with those that sing.

Why did I write this post? Well, many people struggle to find themselves an outlet to express themselves for numerous reasons. I personally didn't realise writing was my best form of expressing myself until late last year when I just need to get my thoughts out. I used to write random notes a few years ago but never gave it much thought until recently.

So, my question to you guys reading this is, Do you know what your best medium or outlet of expressing yourself is? If you do know, how do you express yourself? Have you even thought about it before?