Are we an Inspirational Society?

So, I haven't blogged in quite a while (it's become a recurring theme ey?!) , maybe I've not been inspired or I've just been lazy. It's probably the latter! Oops!

The topic  of this blog is a bit of a strange one, well maybe. With social media being so prominent in our lives, motivational and inspirational content such as videos, quotes, statements, etc are becoming more and more visible.

There seem to be more and more people throwing up motivational quotes and statements than I've ever seen or heard of before. I used to put things up too, years ago on Facebook mostly to motivate myself and do the same for others if it helped them. Whether it helped anyone or not, I have no idea!

What I'm trying to understand is, why are we seeing so much more of this material out there? Is that where society is these days? Have we lost the ability to motivate and/or inspire ourselves? Or has it always been like this but its just out in the open now because of mediums like social media?

The other point I guess is, with so much material and so many people out there trying to motivate, does it have the opposite effect on some? What I mean is, if you constantly see motivational quotes does it lose its magic?

That brings me to another point, do videos have more of an effect than written quotes? Certainly in recent weeks and months for me I buy in to the video more than I would a quote. It also relates to a story being told. I guess if the script of a motivational video was published would it have the same impact? It wouldn't for me, visual seems to hit home for me more than text. I'm guessing that's the same or even the opposite for many.

Going back to my first point about the level and amount of motivational and inspirational quotes, it feels like (in my opinion) that we have become so obsessed with comparing ourselves to other because of social media that we consistently put ourselves down. Should we compare ourselves? I for one have always been against comparing people to one another. Don't get me wrong, I do it too but sometimes I just can't stop myself, I think most if not all of us do this, I guess some out or down to human nature.

I guess one of the reasons I'm writing about this topic is because I worry, I worry what the future holds for my kids. I worry about how society is going to put more pressure on ourselves. The more inspirational videos, posts etc that I see, the more I think society is actually getting worse. Am I right? What do you think?

Another reason is that I'm trying to bring myself away from comparing my achievements with others achievements. I'm slowly understanding that my path is going to be different to someone else's. I'm going through a phase where I'm trying to transform myself physically and mentally. Both forms are linked really aren't they? You could and probably do use one to reflect on the other. For example, if you physically feel good, you're likely to feel good mentally, because of the positive hormones that being happy releases.

There's a lot of motivational people and material out there. Those that use it to drive themselves, good on you, it's helping you. Ultimately its about using all that's out there to your advantage right?

How do you feel about all the inspirational and motivational material you see out there? Do you think we as a society have a problem? Or are we just becoming more of a supportive society? Should we be worried for the next generation?

Until the next post!

Always made mistakes and always will

So, after my recent blog post titled Mummy, I was inspired to write another. You can tell me if you see any links between both topics. Answers on a post...oh, hold, answers in the comments section below or on my Facebook post about this! 

I’ve turned another year older today, an no I’m not 45 or older, I’ve hit 35. I don’t think it’s a milestone birthday but I don’t think I could wait another 5 years to publish this blog post! 

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more reflective. Yes, I know, I’ve always been a bit of a reflector. A lot has happened in my life over the last 5 years let alone the last 35 years. I got married to an amazing woman (never thought I’d be lucky enough), we’ve had gorgeous twin girls, I’ve moved house 3 times, changed jobs twice, etc...

It’s also fair to say that I’ve made mistakes along the way, whether that be personally or professionally. At the times I’ve made those mistakes I’ve kicked myself every single time, I’ve to an extent regretted making those mistakes too and in all felt very bad about the mistakes. 

It got me thinking (yes, I know it’s dangerous!), that we beat ourselves up when we make mistakes, hold it against ourself for a period of time and generally feel quite crap about it. This is true for me, I do it all the time, but we don’t reflect on how that reaction impacts us. In that, when a similar situation arises do we feel confident enough to deal with it? 

For me, I’ve found beating myself up always knocks my confidence. I’ve never been the most confident person in the world, so it majorly affects me. 

As I said In previous posts, becoming a father has changed my perspective on things. I look at the mistakes I make in a different way now. Don’t get me wrong, I still beat myself up over them but not to the extent I used to before. 

This perspective has changed because I look at my girls growing up, and they do things which you could consider mistakes I.e. during toilet training, accidents will happen, it can be frustrating and you possibly tell your child off. Is that going to help them in the long term? Do they even understand why you’re telling them off? The answer to those questions is probably a No. You find other ways to help them make sense of it all.

So why do we as adults beat ourselves up? Does that really help us? Well, for some it possibly does and for others it probably has the complete opposite effect . I fall in to the latter category, well I did until recently.

I’ve found that understanding why I made a mistake is more important than just saying “Chirag you idiot, don’t make mistakes like that” etc...understanding mistakes and trying to learn from them actually builds confidence, well it does for me anyway. 

Mistakes are something I’ve always made in life, and quite frankly always will make. That’s just part of being alive. Hopefully I’m learning from these mistakes and it shows that I’m learning. Who knows, some mistakes I may never learn from some mistakes. 

I guess the point of the post was to highlight that whatever your age, mistakes are ok, most people learn from their mistakes. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without making the mistakes I have. Some of you may say “yeah, but you’re an idiot” or something along those lines, and you know what, you are entitled to your opinion. 

I’m not saying I’m an amazing human being, or I’m anything special but I’m proud of the journey of my life and will hopefully keep learning and imparting the knowledge of that journey on to my kids (whether they like it or not, haha!). 

So tell me, do you think you’ve made mistakes in life? Do you think you’ve learned from them?  Has it made you the person you are today? Do you think you’ll keep making mistakes? 

Mummy

So, since Mother’s Day is this weekend, I thought this post, that I’ve been thinking about for a while would be best published now.

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how much my wife does for our daughters. She does a hell of a lot more than I’ll ever be able to do. Something I believe only a mother can do.

Mother’s are the most unselfish people in the universe, the amount of time and energy they sacrifice for their children is beyond incredible. Nothing I write or anyone writes will ever do justice to mothers everywhere.

Growing up, I probably didn’t appreciate what my mum did for me, the sacrifice she put in to give me the best her and my dad could provide. Taking me to this class, that class, pushing me to fulfil my potential and making me feel like I had everything I wanted and/or needed.

Did I appreciate this when I was a teenager or even younger and say thank you? Nope, I didn’t, well at least it don't think I showed it. I was being a child, doing my thing and only thinking about me, especially being an only child. We’ve all done that to a degree right? Taken our parents, especially our mums for granted. 

Growing up I used to hear “wait til you’re married” or “wait til you have kids, then you’ll understand”. And you know what, no truer words have been spoken. Over the last 2.5 years since our twin girls arrived, I’ve realised more and more how much a mother does. 

My wife is constantly on the move, she's a machine! Always thinking about our girls, “what can I do with them tomorrow?”, “how do I make sure they are constantly learning?”, “what can I cook that’s really good for them?”, you get the jist of it. She is an absolute legend, it’s safe to say Mothers in general are.

Mothers play multiple roles and play them all amazingly well. They are mothers, wives, daughters, daughter in laws, etc...they look after pretty much everyone. My wife certainly does, always thinking about everyone other than herself. 

Another mother in my life (apart from my wife and my own mum) is my mother in law, she’s always running around and doing things for everyone else, even when she’s not well. It’s obvious where my wife gets her unselfish and dedicated nature from. It's also further evidence i guess of how unselfish mothers are, right?

Agatha Christie summed up mothers well

“A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path”

Being a mother is more than a role, it’s a way/choice of life, a woman’s life changes incredibly. Women make sacrifices left right and centre. To have children they put their bodies on the line, they give up a lot of their own goals and dreams and set new ones related to their children. Again, forgetting about their own wants and needs.

I’m in absolute awe of all the mother’s that I know, my wife in particular. She’ll probably read this and tell me how cringe it is, she doesn’t take compliments very well! 

Appreciate the mummy’s in your life, let them know regularly how much you take notice of what they have done in the past and what they do. They don't expect it or ask for it, but that's what makes it more worth it.

Please don’t let Mother’s Day be the only day of the year you show your appreciation. Like any other commercial day of the year, it’s just a reminder and not the only day of the year to show love and appreciation. 

So, ask yoruself, do you show enough appreciation to the mother’s in your life? Do you even see how much a mother does? How many of you take your mum for granted?

Digital Mental Health

So, it's been about a year since the last blog post, this one has been sitting in my drafts on my phone for about the same time, so thought it was time to publish!

I wrote in my last post that my life now is very different from when I used to write a number of years ago, and I alluded to thinking about things differently now, particularly in the context of being a parent.

This particular post is close to my heart for a number of reasons, one of which is my daughters. Most things I think about now are about them; their futures, their education, influences on their lives (like social media), etc...

I think back to what life was like for me and us (as a generation) before social media; or should I say social media as we now know it? 

In an age where social media is part of normal life, specifically Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, etc...we forget that social media was available to us in different forms when we were growing up, with probably similar consequences of use, I'm thinking of Hi5, MSN Messenger, Yahoo Chat, etc.. 

Back in my younger days using something like MSN was almost a direct replacement for talking to someone on the phone I.e. You would have real time interaction with someone, by conversing with them almost like speaking on the phone.

These days, although Facebook Messenger and other forms of chat are available, we seem to interact indirectly, for example, I can post a message on Facebook which some may respond to by leaving a comment but not necessarily having a real time interaction with them.

We as a generation and society seem to have become so engrossed in posting pictures, usually of how "amazing" our life is or the other extreme of how "crap" life is. I've been as guilty as anyone of this in the past and some would argue I still am (stop picking on me!). I guess it puts me in a good position to ask "why do we need to post and tell the world what's going on in our lives?", "did the world ask to be told about my day?", "would it make a difference to the world if I was having the most amazing time of my life?", I think you get the gist of where I'm going with this, right? 

We seem to have lost our abilities to interact with others, in that, not many of us (I don't believe) pick up the phone and say "hi (insert name), how's your day going today?" Which used to provide a sense of realism, a sense of warmth that someone is/was genuinely interested in my life. 

Is it a coincidence that we hear so much more about people suffering from mental health issues? No, I don't think it is. When I thought about writing about this topic I searched google for links between social media and poor mental health, and the majority of results referred to "young people", and that's why I wanted to write this post. I feel like the next generation will suffer from the adverse effects of social media more so than this generation does. We seem to be seeing the start of this already with online bullying, shaming, etc...

People will think I'm a hypocrite for raising concerns around social media, particularly because I'm a regular user of Facebook but that doesn't mean the questions I've asked are any less relevant. If anything, I feel like I'm in a good place to bring it up.

I mean, how many of you log on to a social media platform as soon as you wake up? Or check your phone to see what the latest updates are on whichever social media platforms you use? 

I do it most of the time; wake up, check phone, and then do other things. You probably too!

Social media, no matter how many connections, friends, and followers you have can be a very lonely place. It's hard not to see posts on social media and then compare them to your own lives, however people only post what they want you to see, you have no idea of the real truth or what's truly happening on the other side of that screen. 

This in turn can effect a person's mental health. Comparing someone else's perfect or amazing life to their own and developing a false picture can have more of a deeper adverse effect than people may realise.

This is all relevant to the Digital age we live in, and as things become more digitised, the situation gets worse. Why is life becoming more digitised? In my view it's because we want it to, we want things to make life easier for us regardless of the consequences.

My view on a digitised world and mental health is that, as social media and the digital world matures more, we need to better equip ourselves and our children particularly against the pros and cons of it all. It's important I feel to ensure we can handle the pressure of this evolving world, because if we don't we're going to see a lot more cases of people with mental health issues. 

I think I've waffled on enough here, what do you guys think? Do you think the digital world is a problem? Do you think there's an overreaction to the causes of social media on mental health? What do you think we need to do to help the situation?

Oh and here's a recent written piece I found on bbc.com, makes interesting reading!

Why? Why? Why?

So, it's been a very long time since  I last published blog post. A lot has changed since too! I'm now married to a wonderful woman, and we have adorable twin girls too! Life has changed considerably as you can see, certainly if you used to follow my blog posts before!

With the way life is now, I tend to think about completely different topics, centred around our twin girls usually. As the title of the post suggests, the question we all love and potentially loathe at the same time is "Why?".

We all know how to ask "Why?", i.e. Why do we go to work everyday? Why did this or that happen today? Why are the trains late?

What got me thinking about this was wanting to encourage our girls to ask why, as they get older, to feed their curiosity of why something happens, or why people do things in certain ways, etc...

This got me thinking, that when we were kids and growing up, we were always encouraged to ask why, to be curious and not be afraid to ask questions. Why the change? As we get older we tend to be discouraged a lot of the time to ask questions, particularly "why?". It's almost as if it becomes more annoying to answer questions, and we show our frustration by batting away the question. Slowly those that regularly ask "why" feel like they have to think "50" times before they ask or they feel like they just can't ask at all.

It's a shame really, isn't it? To go from being encouraged to be curious, to effectively be told to just get on with it, becomes quite a command and control type of culture. I'm not saying everyone has been discouraged, but from what I've seen, it's about just getting things done. Ironically, I want to ask "why?", why do we discourage something we were taught to do at a young age? Why do we get annoyed with people when they ask questions? Why do we just tell people to get on with it rather than answering their question?

My thoughts on this are that we live in an age where everything is needed asap, or urgently or now or even yesterday. We are all so consumed in wanting things in an instant, which I guess is a sign of the times we live in, particularly here in the UK. I can't really say for those living in other countries, but there may be an easier approach to life, a more relaxed approach if you like. I guess we are in the Digital age where virtually anything and everything is available in an instant and if not in an instant then in a specific space of time.

With the way life is these days, I really admire those people that can take a step back and see the bigger picture, not necessarily demand things immediately but encourage others to be curious and to ask questions. That is what makes life interesting, being curious, asking questions, finding out the answers and potentially doing something with those answers, even if that is just becoming a well rounded knowledgeable human being.

So, what do you think? Do you discourage people from asking why? Do you think we live in a society these days where we want everything in an instant?

Love Is Forever, Not Just For Valentines Day

So, it's that one day of the year, when there's romance all around, couples are treating each other to extravagant gifts, admirers are telling the objects of their affection how they feel and then there's others who just absolutely cringe at the thought of Valentines Day.

There are so many different emotions and feelings that are felt and experienced over this one day. Makes me wonder sometimes, "Surely these feelings and emotions are experienced every other day of the year too, right?" I know plenty of people that don't believe in Valentines Day, not that they don't believe in love but just the day itself. They feel it's just a commercialised day geared up to bring in extra money for business. To an extent I'm inclined to agree. It really is a commercialised day, just like Christmas and New Years has become. In fact, if you think about it, any day people celebrate is really commercialised now, isn't it?

I mean Weddings are probably in the top 5 of commercialised days or periods in peoples lives. The industry is so huge now. Almost everyone is a wedding planner, caterer, etc...but does that make the day or days any less special? Nope, I certainly don't think so. A lot of events in our lives are sometimes put on for the benefit of others in my opinion but the main aim is to make it special for the people it's for.

I've probably gone slightly off topic with what I've just said, but the point I'm trying to make is that everything we do these days, particularly special occasions have become commercialised. Valentines Day is definitely one of them. Something I've always thought is "Love Is Forever, Not Just For Valentines Day", yep the title of the blog! What do I mean by that? Well, let me try to explain.....

Love is something that shouldn't be shown one day a year, surely love is shown to your loved ones particularly your partner all year around?! I mean, when you get together with someone, you don't only say "I Love You" on 14th February... If that IS the only day you tell your partner you love them, you have some serious problems!!!!

Over recent years I've become a bit of a cynic when it comes to love, relationships, etc...and I'm sure those that know me have noticed that. However, I do believe Valentines Day has it's benefits too. You're probably thinking "This guys is contradicting himself!!", "You just said Valentines Day is commercialised and a waste of time!", well let me explain what I mean then......!

Valentines Day definitely has it's benefits, particularly if you've admired someone for longer than you can remember and haven't been able to pluck up the courage to tell them how you feel for however long it's been. It's one of those days that almost gives you a free pass to tell the one you've loved from afar, how you really feel about them without major repercussions.

Many people take the plunge on Valentines Day because it's more accepted to do so. It's one of those days that the object of your affection will react well to it. I'm not saying they'll fall head over heals in love with you, well, then again, they may do! What I am saying though, is that, they're less likely to think "what the hell?! buzz off!!". Singletons particularly would just be delighted to know someone thinks of them like that. Speaking as one, I would love it and wouldn't tell someone to buzz off! Then again I wouldn't tell someone to buzz off on a normal day either! haha

Think back to when you were younger, wasn't it easier to tell someone you had a crush on them on Valentines Day more than any other day? I tried it once I think back in school, I made a heart shaped card form some coloured card I had and got my friend to give it to this girl I'd had a crush on for ages. I didn't work out for me, but hey it was a hell of a lot easier saying something on Valentines Day than it would have been the day before or even the day after!

It's also a great day for those normally so engrossed in their working lives as it gives them the opportunity to show their partner how much they love them, it's the one day in the year workaholics probably think "I'm going to make an effort today, I don't usually but I will today". I don't completely agree with it that way but hey, it works for some!

For me personally, Valentines Day has never been a great day and I've believe for a while now that's it's just to commercial. I won't know it though, for some people it's the day they build up courage and share their feelings with the one they love, who didn't know before this day. For those in relationships, don't use Valentines day as an excuse to go out for a meal or to get all lovey dovey and then go back to your unromantic selves the next day love should be forever and we should all make more of an effort tell and show our loved ones how we feel all year round!

So...in summary....If Valentines Day is special for you, then a Very Happy Valentines Day to you...If Valentines Day isn't special for you, a Very Happy Valentines Day to you too!

Just remember.....Love Is Forever, Not Just For Valentines Day....:-)

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions...

So, the last topic I blogged about was Anger and frustration and how we each manage these. I guess the topic I'm blogging about today could follow on from the back of the last one. Just as the title says the top is Decisions or Decisions, Decisions, Decisions....

You might be wondering why I've written the same word out three times? or maybe not...I'm going to tell you anyway! haha When you get to a certain point in time where a decision on something needs to be made, some use a saying "Decisions, decisions, decisions",  and I thought it would be the perfect title for what I wanted to write about today.

We all come to points in our life where we have to make a decision of some sort. It could be as simple as deciding what to have for lunch or more extreme; whether to buy a property or not? or deciding whether to get married or not?

I guess the simple decisions are ones we make on a daily basis and for the most part make those decision for ourselves. I mean you wouldn't take a decision on what to eat based on how happy or sad it would make someone else, would you?

The more complex, difficult or important decisions in life however seem to have more to think about and possibly more people to consider. I've seen recent examples where people have made decisions or are in the process of making decisions as to the next step in their lives. Certainly for some of them, the process is a lot more painful than others.

Another factor in decision making is whether that decision is being made for your best interests or someone else's. Not sure what I mean? Let me try and explain with an example I recently came across. Someone I used to know well came to a decision recently about the rest of their life, which they made because they felt it would make their family happy. Doing something for your family certainly isn't a bad thing is it? I certainly don't think it is, but when the decision is made based on squashing your own happiness for short term happiness, I don't think I would agree.

The decision this person made was what their family wanted, not the decision that on the face of it made them happy. I can't say I understand the logic behind their decision but almost blindly making a decision for the short term happiness of loved ones has the potential for long terms grief for this person, their family and anyone else involved. I hope I'm wrong and hope their decision turns out to be fruitful and the right one for all concerned. What would I do if i was in that position? Well, I would discuss the situation with my family and explain my actions and decisions for the long term happiness of both me and them. That's what I would do though and I guess my logic is different to this person.

There's plenty of other difficult decisions which we do need to take in to account and how they effect other people. Perfect example is a couple reaching a certain stage in their relationship where they struggle to agree what their next steps are. An example I've come across is one person in the relationship is ready to commit further and the other wants to be at a certain point in their life before making the commitment to marriage. Probably one of the most difficult decisions to make and I guess a level of compromise is required and only they know what's right for them. Certainly deciding to go their separate ways isn't an easy decision particularly after X amount of years together. They both need to do what's right for them as individuals in  my opinion but being an outsider it's easy for me to say probably.

Another decision that most of us have to make at some point is what our next career step is, we get to a point in our careers sometimes where we're too comfortable for our liking and it's time for a change. I've spoken to a few people over the last few months where this seems to be the case for them. With the way the economy is these days I think everyone should probably be happy they have jobs! Again, this decision is something that usually needs to take others in to consideration, especially if you have responsibilities as the bread winner in the family or one of the bread winners.

Very random post I guess, but if you read my posts then you should know they're usually quite random! I guess I wanted to write the post as decisions aren't always as easy as they seem to make from the outside but there's plenty of things that need to be considered before making them. Particularly when making decisions that seem right in the short term. Are they really right in the long term? Should you be selfish when making decisions sometimes?

Have you had to make difficult decisions lately? are you on the verge of making a difficult decision? what's going through your mind? who is going through your mind?

My personal opinion is that we should make the right decision for ourselves. Do what makes you happy and the likelihood is it will make those around you happy too, at least those that love and care about you. I've always believed that family will always support whatever makes you happy.